How often do you look at yourself and think that you’re not good enough? That you should have performed better at that test, or maybe should have been slimmer, taller, had a clear skin? In general people blame themselves most of the time for not being good enough. Most of us have become adapt to self-criticism in this high pressured society. And it is not bad at all, to know your weakness and criticize yourself and learn from your mistakes seems like the best way possible to achieve your goals. Self-criticism motivates you but often we become so good at self-criticism and finding our mistakes that we forget to accept our downfalls. Falling prey to excessive criticism often make you depressed, doubt your potential and makes you give up even before trying. Then comes the phase of self-flagellation, where you beat yourself mentally for not being good enough. In easier words it can be called self-blaming, when you blame yourself too much for things that are not even in your control. This might actually affect your performance, making you perform worse than you usually do. You might even lose the will to get up and start, and simply procrastinate.
Depression and self-hatred are serious enemies of life
You need to appreciate the role of self-care, because it’s not only criticism that makes you work. We are so obsessed with success that we fail to acknowledge the scale of challenges and that everyone has some weaknesses. What is easy for your friend might not be that easy for you and vice-versa. The path to your decided goal does not have to be that spotless. You can fall and start all over again anytime. The society might have made you believe that you have to write the entire poem alone but in reality, we all are here to add our own small verses. Daily we routine ourselves to achieve that goal that often you forgot who you are. You are so much more than the degree you completed, maybe the race you won or the test you aced. These materialistic achievements only make up about 20% of the person you genuinely are.
Stop comparing yourself with others
Social media has made you believe that everyone except you in this world is rich and beautiful. And thus you are running after that artificial lifestyle some influencer pretends to have. You are depressed because you weren’t able to pass that exam that someone else did. You want to get that flat stomach, and a sharp jaw line that he has because that might make you look cooler than before and everyone around you will love you more. The more you know about diets, exercise and perfect bodies, the more you become dissatisfied with your body. The more you look at luxurious lives of people on media, the more you become disappointed about what you have been doing all your life. Comparison will take you nowhere because it never ends, there is always a person with something bigger than you. Instead self acceptance is the key to an actual satisfaction. When will it be that we stop justifying, people pleasing, looking outside ourselves for validation about our worth that we know comes from within?
Get rid of that hypothetical mask you are carrying with yourself
Have you ever recorded your voice and felt uncomfortable with the way you sound? Might have, many times but have you ever realized that everyone around you has listened to that voice and they are okay with that. When you look at a random recording of yourself you are unpleased by the way you look, or talk. There’s no way I look/sound like that. But everyone else has looked at you the same way. Everybody is already okay with you and it is you who need to accept yourself. The standards on which you judge yourself are often based on the ones you see on social media or television. But the final product they post/show us is actually a product of photo shop and hundreds of retakes. Reality has no retakes and it is okay to be what you are.
Self-acceptance and Self-compassion
People take responsibility of everything that happens in their life, or will blame their luck for most of the part. Luck is a genuine feature of existence but by blaming yourself or your luck, you also rob yourself the opportunity of fair conciliation. No one is entirely in control of the things that happen around them, sometimes it is okay to fall or maybe crash. You need to reduce expectations to zero for a time. Take each new hour as it comes, and without being banal, what you need most of all, is some rest. Self-compassion is not equal to self pity; you need to give yourself a break even if you feel like you haven’t done something big. Humans were not created to achieve, they were created to live and that is what you have been doing. Don’t be too hard on yourself, life is not a race, it is a puzzle take your time.
The people who love you will still love you for who you are and not for what you have achieved. It is okay to not being able to achieve what you wanted, it is okay to learn from your mistakes but it is not okay to fall prey to the never ending cycle of needs. Success doesn’t necessarily have to be something big, it can be small things. Completing that assignment you have been procrastinating is also a success. There is no set time to achieve it or a scale to decide how much success is enough to be successful.