From our childhood, we are taught to conduct ourselves in a manner that is pleasing to the society in which we live. We are told to respect others, be helpful, maintain decorum and be kind. One of the skills that is most needed for such thoughtful engagement is the skill of listening. And this does not mean just listening as routine but listening well, actively. In a world which has seen a sonic explosion in the past couple of decades, and with opinions and voices on everything from what to eat to what to stand for, we find ourselves surrounded by a plethora of voices. This often makes us unable to distinguish between the necessary and the unnecessary voices, and can even make us complacent when we shouldn’t be, in the long run. The skill of listening is probably one of the most important skills that we need to have in this time, for the benefit of the community that surrounds us and for ourselves.
We are continuously processing the sounds that we are hearing all the time when we are awake. We assign meaning to them as well. We listen in classrooms, during discussions, on the metro, and in innumerable other settings. Our academic and career performances can be greatly influenced by how good we are at listening to what is being said and how efficient we are at gleaning the important points from it. It is an essential quality especially when we engage with social issues or mental health issues, or when we are trying to help someone with a problem they are facing. We need to also keep in mind that listening should not be equated with hearing since hearing can happen passively as well, even when you do not put in any effort.
Listening well is a skill developed over time. Here are some pointers to being a better listener:
- Exercise self-control: This is one of the most crucial aspects of listening well. Exercising self-control might look like not interrupting when a person is speaking, waiting till the end to ask questions, putting away presumptions and prejudices, and waiting till you have all the information before you make a judgment. Listen to understand and not just to respond.
- Be fully attentive: Let the person speaking know that they are your focus and that you are listening fully. Keep distractions like your phone, away. Your posture also matters; nod, use facial expressions and be encouraging.
- Respond well: Ask if you have understood them well by paraphrasing, ask thoughtful and intelligent questions, and clarify doubts.
- Be honest: Treat the speaker with dignity and give honest feedback. Point out things they might have to reconsider and give good reasons for your responses.
Conversations that include such attentiveness and engagement will be more meaningful and impactful. It will also lead to better understanding, better relationships, and more informed perspectives. Being an active listener will also make you more empathetic and sensitive to the experiences of others, and even lets you pick up on the things that they are not saying. It increases the quality of the exchange and lessens the chances of being misunderstood. Listening well can be the single antidote to many of the problems that we face in personal verbal communications right now.
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