Knowing someone who has an addiction is not uncommon, but knowing the best way to help a loved one with an addiction can be confusing and even scary. When someone has an addiction, it can affect every aspect of their lives as well as the lives of their loved ones. You will inevitably be concerned about your loved one, and it can be difficult to know what to do and what not to do, but it’s important to remember that recovery is a solution. Once you’ve noticed the signs of addiction like alcohol addiction or an opioid addiction, for example you’ll need to know how to talk to and treat them in a way that is positive and helpful. There are several ways to do this, some easy to practice and others that require a little more effort and understanding on your part. Here are few do’s and don’t for helping someone with an addiction:
DON’T:
- SHAME OR CRITICIZE:Human nature sometimes forces us to shift the blame because it’s easier to understand a problem if we know its source. But the cause of addictions isn’t so black and white, so there’s never really just one thing to blame. Most importantly, the person with the addiction is not at fault for the disease. Avoid implying or outright stating that the person is to blame for their addiction. Shaming or criticizing a family member who is struggling with alcohol addiction is often counterproductive to their recovery. Instead, talk with positivity and encouragement, offering the idea of a future of successful long term recovery. Provide verbal and physical encouragement rather than lectures and nagging.
- EXPECT IMMEDIATE CHANGE:One of the best ways is to be realistic in your expectations. Long term recovery is not a quick fix. It’s an ongoing process for the person that takes time, effort and continued support from professionals and family alike. Some treatments may work for some time and then need to be changed. if one treatment doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean all treatments will fail. It just means you’ll have to find the specific one that will work for the person.
- ENABLE THEM:There can be a fine line between helping someone with an addiction and enabling them. Sometimes when we think we’re protecting the person from the consequences of their addiction, we are actually enabling them to continue with potentially destructive behavior. Studies show that people with addictions are more likely to proactively seek treatment when they are forced to face the consequences of their actions. So, if you want to know how to help someone with addiction, allow them to make mistakes without the promise of your rescue.
- GIVE IN TO MANIPULATION:When a person with an addiction is unwilling to seek treatment, they will resort to whatever they need to do to continue feeding their addiction. This may include lying or trying to guilt the people who care for them. It’s important to establish boundaries and learn how to say no. It may be very difficult to not react negatively or to stick to your established rules, but it’s necessary for everyone involved.
- VIOLATE THEIR PRIVACY:In taking care of yourself and attending therapy, you may be tempted to vent about the person with addiction. While you should be as honest about your feeling as possible when getting therapy, it’s important to respect their privacy. This is especially relevant when discussing someone with addiction with friends or family. Make sure the person is okay being talked about and having their struggles discussed. If you attend counseling with the person, make sure you don’t reveal what was said in session to others. If the person attends therapy or counselling on their own and don’t want to discuss what they talked about in session, respect that and don’t push them into detail.
DO’S:
- HAVE COMPASSION:Addiction is a disease. Normally, we wouldn’t fault someone with a physical disease, like diabetes or cancer instead, we would likely be compassionate and willing to help them survive their illness. Addiction deserves the same compassion and understanding. Recognize that addiction isn’t a character flaw or a choice, but rather a disease. It’s also crucial to understand there may be external factors that encourage an addiction, like stress or mental illness. Addiction is often a coping mechanism for stress, providing temporary relief. The fleetingness of the relief may contribute to repeatedly seeking out potentially destructive habits that develop over time into an alcohol or opioid addiction.
- EXPECT DIFFICULTIES:Rehabilitation can be difficult for the person. There are many reasons a person may be reluctant to seek treatment:
- SHAME-They may feel like they will be looked down on or endanger their jobs and relationships by admitting to having an addiction.
- STIGMA-Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma around diseases of the brain, like addiction and various mental illnesses, and your loved one may be unable or unwilling to expose themselves to it.
- DENIAL-Someone with an addiction may not be willing or able to admit that they have an addiction at all, let alone consider treatment.
- EDUCATE YOURSELF:Knowledge is power, and educating yourself on addiction and treatment is a benefit when learning how to help someone with an addiction. Educate yourself on the specific type of recovery that the person is in, so you can better understand that what he/she is going through and what sort of help is he/she is receiving. It’s also useful to learn about addiction in general. The more you know, the better you’ll understand what is going on and be able to better help the person.
- SEEK COUNSELLING OR THERAPY:Addiction affects everyone, from the person in treatment to the person. It’s importance to ensure you’re well enough to manage the potential stress of helping someone dealing with addiction. Acknowledging that you may be in over your head and in need of professional help is normal and healthy. It’s also necessary for you to help your loved one to the best of your abilities.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:Indulging in self care is not selfish, especially when you’re helping someone dealing with addiction. You cannot let the addiction of the person derail your own life. Continue with healthy activities, like hobbies and social outings, and take care to look after yourself. Therapy or counselling is part of that process, but indulging in activities that aren’t centered around the person is necessary. Determine what it is that you need to keep yourself well indulge in it.
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