Most of us learn to base our self worth on comparison and competition . We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing . Here, Balancing between both courage and consideration is required .when it comes to interpersonal leadership the more genuine character is the higher our level of proactivity, the more committed we are to win ,the more powerful influence will be.
In order to establish effective interdependent relationship we must commit to create in Win-Win situation that are mutually beneficial and satisfying to each party .
So one time Stephen was asked to work with a company whose president was very concerned about the lack of cooperation among his people . Stephen was told the basic problem of the company that the people are not cooperative .if this problem is solved, they would definitely be able to produce so much more . Stephen was said to help them to develop a human relations program that will solve this problem . When Stephen looked deeply into this, he found that there was real selfishness and unwillingness to cooperate, a resistant to Authority ,defensive communication .when he look into it ,he found out the reason behind This behaviour of the managers, is it because of the reward which is somewhere for not cooperating or well known that the reward are much more greater for the people who cooperate .
Covey noticed a chart on the wall of the office behind a curtain , were a numbers of racehorses all lined up on a track, super imposed on the face of each horse was the face of one of his managers ,at the end of the track was a beautiful travel poster of Bermuda , once in a week the president use to show them this chart and discuss about cooperation ,about working together and to make more money by their efforts and will asking about the one who is going to win the trip to Bermuda. It was like telling one flower to grow and watering another. he wanted cooperation , he wanted his people to work together to share idea to all benefit from the effort ,but he was setting them up in a competition with each other .One manager’s success means failure for the other managers.
The problem in this company was the result of a flawed paradigm .The president was trying to get the fruits of the cooperation from a paradigm of competition and when it didn’t work he wanted a technique , a program ,a quick fix antidote to make his people cooperate. But you can’t change the fruit without changing the root working on the attitude and behaviour would have been hacking at the leaves so we focused instead on producing personal and organisational excellence in an entirely different way by developing information and reward system with reinforced the value of cooperation.
Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor , the moment you step from Independence to interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role you were in a position of influencing other people and the habit of the effective interpersonal leadership is think Win-Win.
This habit is about working in collaboration with others and not competitively it’s about getting the most out of every relationship you have ,it is where two people form a group because the value gained from sharing ideas thinking collaboratively and finding the winner is so significant developing this habit in was consistently thinking of others ,considering their values and ensuring their thoughts and feelings are at the forefront of your mind. In doing this you can ensure that your behaviour is appropriate given the time in situation and you can work with that person without any healthy conflict or upset but it’s not just about being emphatic it require confidence courage and openness as well.
Stephen covey states that in order to manage our relationship with others effectively we need think win /win . beyond being a technique it is a philosophy .
According to the author there are six Paradigms of human interaction:
1.win / win : all of the parties win agreements and solution are mutually beneficial to everyone involved . With a win/win solution , all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan . It sees life as a cooperative , not a competitive arena .
2. win / lose : if I win ,you lose,” win lose people tend to use their power positions and authority to get their way . One alternative to win/win is win/lose, the paradigm of the race to Bermuda . Most people have been deeply scripted in win/lose mentally since birth . There is a place for win/lose thinking truly competitive and low trust situation . But most of our life is not a competition, most of life is an interdependent , reality .most result depend on cooperation between people . And the win/lose mentality is dysfunction to that cooperation .
3. Lose /win : the other way around – “I loose ,you win “. This is the paradigm of people pleasing . Lose – win people seek popularity and validation . Lose/win is worse than win/lose because it has no standards , no demand , no expectation, no vision . People who think lose/win are usually quick to please or appease. Both win/lose and lose /win are weak position , based in personal insecurities.
4. Lose/ lose : both people lose, this happens when two win-lose people get together both of whom as stubborn and ego invested if the philosophy of conflict and war. Lose/lose is also the philosophy of the highly dependent person without inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone should be too “ if nobody ever wins , perhaps being a loser isn’t bad.”
5. Win / simply think win : people with the wind mentality don’t necessarily want others to lose its is relevant they just want to get what they want. When there is no sense of contest or competition . Win is probably the most common approach in everyday negotiation .
6. Win /win or no deal: if you can’t reach a mutually beneficial agreement then there is no deal. .According to convey , ideal paradigm is to always think Win-Win in any and all situation .As it helps to create better relationship and build character.But many times “it depend” .if you win a football game , that means the other team loses .If you work in a regional office that is miles away from another regional office , and you don’t have a functional relationship between the offices , you may want to complete in a Win/lose situation to stimulate business. However ,you would not want to set up a win /lose situation like the “race to Bermuda” contest within a company or in a situation where you need cooperation among people or groups of people to achieve maximum success . If you value a relationship and the issue isn’t that really important , you may want to go for lose/win in some circumstances to genuinely affirm the other person. Than even you might go for lose/win if you feel the expenses of time and effort to achieve a win of any kind would violate other higher values. Maybe it isn’t worth it .
To best choice , than depends on reality. The challenge is to read the reality accurately and not to translate win/lose or other scripting into any situation .
Five dimensions of win win
Covay identifies three traits that he considered essential to win win paradigm
There’s no way to go for win win in our own lives if we don’t even know in a deep sense what constitutes a win, what is in fact harmonious with our innermost values .and if we can’t make and keep commitments to ourselves as well as others, our commitment become meaningless.
Maturity Is the balance between courage and consideration. if I am high on courage and low on consideration, how will I think win/ lose .if I am high and consideration and low on courage, I will think lose /win the basic task of leadership is to increase the standard of living and the quality of life for all stakeholders.
The abundance mentality ,is the flow out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security . It is a paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. it result in sharing prestige, or recognition of profit,of decision making.
Without trust the best we can do is compromise ; without trust ,we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication and real creativity. This especially true when dealing with someone who has a win /loss paradigm. We have to plan a communicate more and do so with genuine courtesy, respect, and appreciation for that person .even when the point of view clashes with our own .it is also important to listen with great depth not just to hear the word but to really understand the root of other person worldview .
Covey provides five element for creating win /win agreement.
• Desired result – identify what is to be done and when.
• Guidelines – specify the parameters within which results are to be accomplished.
• Resources – identify the human, financial, technical ,or organizational support available to help accomplish the results .
• Accountability- set up the standard of performance and the time of evaluation.
• Consequences- specify good and bad ,natural and logical what does and will happen as a result of the evaluation
If you want to achieve the goals and reflect the values in your mission statement ,then you need to align the reward system with these goals and values .It does not matter whether dealing with a business, community, family etc .If cooperation is the goal, the reward system must line up accordingly.
By processes , covey appears to mean , to solve the problem . There is a four step process covey suggest :
• See the problem from the other point of view. Really seek to understand and to give expression to the needs and concern of the other party as well as or better than they can themselves.
• Identify the key issue and concern(not position ) involved.
• Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
• Identify possible knew options to achieve those result .