Many of us have days and times when we think…we just aren’t good enough. We think that whatever efforts or hardwork we put in, we just can’t reach there. People may think that they are the weird ones for thinking like that. But in reality, most of at some point of our lives feel that way.

We tend to be most unforgiving of our own faults and mistakes. This is why we often sometimes hear the phrase that we can be our worst enemies. It is because our thoughts constantly express how we are flawed and are at fault all the time.

Let’s see what are the several ways that lead us to thinking so.

We compare us with others. It’s no mystery that everyone’s lives, situations and personalities are different. No two people are exactly the same. Everyone’s chapters of their books are different. Then, why is it that we forget this small but important detail when we critically compare ourselves with others? We must remember that there’s always going to be someone smarter, richer, prettier than us. So are we going to make our own lives miserable for constantly thinking about things that the other person has or are we going to be thankful for what we currently have? Chances are that the person we are envious of, is actually envious of us. They might wish that they had something we have! So we will always be miserable if we get stuck in this endless cycle of constant comparison.

Talking down to ourselves. By doing this, we allow our insecurities and fears get the best of us. It ultimately makes us overthink and feel like we just aren’t capable of doing something. We often have cruel and discouraging thoughts from time to time. We forget that these are just thoughts. In reality, we ourselves have the capability of deciding to think what we want to think. More importantly, don’t be so quick to believe everything you think. Because our thoughts are dynamic in nature. So if we are having negative thoughts, and we put in just a little bit of effort and be a little bit optimistic, these same negative thoughts will change into the positive ones.

Our worst traits don’t define who we are. We all have flaws. We all have some positive traits too. But sometimes, we think that our worst traits define us. For example, I may be horrendous at maths to the point of having to take a retest. But at the same time, I am really good at history so much so that I received a scholarly certificate for that. Now it’s up-to me, whether I want to crib about being bad at maths and stay negative or think about my positive traits and push myself to the extent that I become unbeatable at history. We always have the choice of thinking about our traits in a positive and negative light. We must remember that we are always in control of what we think. Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.

You are always enough. We are always a work in progress till the very moment we die. As long as we have a will to improve ourselves and become a better version of ourselves, we are always enough. We don’t have to be so harsh on ourselves because everyone has imperfections. Everyone has flaws. But that does not mean that we have to be cruel towards ourselves to the extent that we start believing our thoughts of being ‘worthless’. Because you are definitely worth it.

So, what point did you relate with the most? That is the one you have to work on. Take your time. The only person who you owe any explanation is you. Be who you truly are instead of hiding away your insecurities in a box. Because true happiness, is not just a destination it’s the road of getting through which you ultimately loving yourself.

We know emotions play an important role in our lives. You might have noticed that sometimes for some or no reason, you just don’t enjoy doing the daily activities, you are sad and might even cry. Even the things you usually find interesting, don’t pump up your mood. This is when you feel, ‘depressed’. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you are actually depressed. We call them the bad days.

There are a lot of negative emotions that we experience. Sadness, jealousy, anger, frustration, and hate are few to name some. One negative event can bring down our entire enthusiasm for the day. For example, even though you have been in the company for more time, one day, you get to know that the person who is junior to you got the promotion that you thought you were going to get. Now because of this event, you will be frustrated the entire day, and might even take out this frustration on your family and friends.

Now instead of doing this, let’s analyse why your junior got the promotion that you thought you deserved. Yes, you have been in the company for a longer time. But isn’t it possible that your junior made a leap by bringing more profit than ever? Or maybe he was more sincere and hardworking than you were? I am not saying that you didn’t put in any efforts for the sake of your company. What I am saying is that maybe, s/he went two steps ahead and worked twice as hard than anyone else.

Negative emotions not only affect you but also those who are generally around you. For example, maybe because of the frustration, you get into a fight at home with your spouse or your sibling. They won’t know why you were in such a bad mood, but now they are frustrated. This is a classic example of displacement. Displacement is a defense mechanism according to which you direct strong emotions and frustrations toward a person or object that doesn’t feel threatening. In this case, your family member.

Now it is quite clear that this behavior is toxic and harms not only your mental peace but also those around you. Before such kind of behavior becomes a common occurrence in your life, it is important to learn to get negative emotions out of your system in a healthy and positive way. And even if you are stuck in this cycle, there is always a way out.

Ways to Cope with Negative Emotions

1. Acceptance. Accepting that you are going through negative emotions and that this is affecting everbody around you is the first step. Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I feel jealous. Yes, I feel angry. Yes, I am having a bad day.

2. Finding the cause. Sometimes, we get into a bad mood for ‘no reason’. I say, there is always a reason for you to feel negative emotions. This may not be something that happened to you just now. It can be something that happened to you a long time ago. You just haven’t realized that. The thing is, our mind naturally tries to protect us from negative emotions. These are our natural defenses. One of these, is repression. When we feel threatened by a situation, we try to repress it. You put the painful memories or a trauma in the very back of your mind, in hopes of completely forgetting that it ever happened. We must become brave and face the negative emotions head on. If we don’t sort our emotions then and there, we suddenly one day feel sad for ‘no reason’.

3. Talk. Talking about your emotions with someone you trust helps to a huge extent. Sometimes, hearing someone else’s opinion helps us to sort out our own emotions. They help us look through another perspective. Talking is majorly underrated. Parents, friends, siblings, and sometimes even strangers play an important role in making us feel healthy and positive again. If there is no one who you trust or feel like you need professional help never think twice before approaching a therapist. They will definitely help you to sort things out.

4. Developing a hobby. Get a hobby. Or if you have one, cherish it. Writing, singing, dancing, painting, drawing, exercising and many more; can help us to take our negative energy and convert it into a positive one.

Just remember, nothing is permanent. All the pain, sadness, and negativity can go away if you want it to go away. No matter what your situation is, there is always a positive manner to deal with it!