Tag: Self acceptance

The Art of Self Acceptance

How often do you look at yourself and think that you’re not good enough? That you should have performed better at that test, or maybe should have been slimmer, taller, had a clear skin? In general people blame themselves most of the time for not being good enough. Most of us have become adapt to self-criticism in this high pressured society. And it is not bad at all, to know your weakness and criticize yourself and learn from your mistakes seems like the best way possible to achieve your goals. Self-criticism motivates you but often we become so good at self-criticism and finding our mistakes that we forget to accept our downfalls. Falling prey to excessive criticism often make you depressed, doubt your potential and makes you give up even before trying. Then comes the phase of self-flagellation, where you beat yourself mentally for not being good enough. In easier words it can be called self-blaming, when you blame yourself too much for things that are not even in your control. This might actually affect your performance, making you perform worse than you usually do. You might even lose the will to get up and start, and simply procrastinate.

Depression and self-hatred are serious enemies of life

You need to appreciate the role of self-care, because it’s not only criticism that makes you work. We are so obsessed with success that we fail to acknowledge the scale of challenges and that everyone has some weaknesses. What is easy for your friend might not be that easy for you and vice-versa. The path to your decided goal does not have to be that spotless. You can fall and start all over again anytime. The society might have made you believe that you have to write the entire poem alone but in reality, we all are here to add our own small verses. Daily we routine ourselves to achieve that goal that often you forgot who you are. You are so much more than the degree you completed, maybe the race you won or the test you aced. These materialistic achievements only make up about 20% of the person you genuinely are.

Stop comparing yourself with others

Social media has made you believe that everyone except you in this world is rich and beautiful. And thus you are running after that artificial lifestyle some influencer pretends to have. You are depressed because you weren’t able to pass that exam that someone else did. You want to get that flat stomach, and a sharp jaw line that he has because that might make you look cooler than before and everyone around you will love you more. The more you know about diets, exercise and perfect bodies, the more you become dissatisfied with your body. The more you look at luxurious lives of people on media, the more you become disappointed about what you have been doing all your life. Comparison will take you nowhere because it never ends, there is always a person with something bigger than you. Instead self acceptance is the key to an actual satisfaction. When will it be that we stop justifying, people pleasing, looking outside ourselves for validation about our worth that we know comes from within?

Get rid of that hypothetical mask you are carrying with yourself

Have you ever recorded your voice and felt uncomfortable with the way you sound? Might have, many times but have you ever realized that everyone around you has listened to that voice and they are okay with that. When you look at a random recording of yourself you are unpleased by the way you look, or talk. There’s no way I look/sound like that. But everyone else has looked at you the same way. Everybody is already okay with you and it is you who need to accept yourself. The standards on which you judge yourself are often based on the ones you see on social media or television. But the final product they post/show us is actually a product of photo shop and hundreds of retakes. Reality has no retakes and it is okay to be what you are.

Self-acceptance and Self-compassion

People take responsibility of everything that happens in their life, or will blame their luck for most of the part. Luck is a genuine feature of existence but by blaming yourself or your luck, you also rob yourself the opportunity of fair conciliation. No one is entirely in control of the things that happen around them, sometimes it is okay to fall or maybe crash. You need to reduce expectations to zero for a time. Take each new hour as it comes, and without being banal, what you need most of all, is some rest. Self-compassion is not equal to self pity; you need to give yourself a break even if you feel like you haven’t done something big. Humans were not created to achieve, they were created to live and that is what you have been doing. Don’t be too hard on yourself, life is not a race, it is a puzzle take your time.

The people who love you will still love you for who you are and not for what you have achieved. It is okay to not being able to achieve what you wanted, it is okay to learn from your mistakes but it is not okay to fall prey to the never ending cycle of needs. Success doesn’t necessarily have to be something big, it can be small things. Completing that assignment you have been procrastinating is also a success. There is no set time to achieve it or a scale to decide how much success is enough to be successful.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF CHANGE

Change is evolution by every person on the universe. It is the law of the universe to change. Physical change or personality change, we change for the better or the worse. Sometimes we change for the betterment of others or ourselves but mostly change is noticed by others than ourselves. Every time we change there is a different outlook on life, love and friends. We acquire a new perspective on the same things around us. Every time we change we don’t notice that we have upgraded to a new personality. There are hard sides to change, some people will leave you or you can outgrow each other. We notice only when we are acquainted about it when someone says that we have become different or something has changed about us. Change happens over time, over a series of situations. There isn’t a certain event to trigger a change or you will decide to change. Change can be confusing or threatening to what you were once but it’s inevitable. It’s different for everybody. It isn’t easy for everyone either. Change isn’t necessarily accepted by everyone because we always fall in love with a person when our vibes flow in one direction and when we change so does our vibe. When the vibes don’t sync, people end up on different terms with each other on life, that’s why we grow distant Change also makes sure that you are staying on top of your game. You become the person who you want to be when you change because of your own motivation. It’s integrating yourself to change that will make it an easier process. Change more importantly helps you move on. You find different coping mechanisms to get better and become a better version of yourself. Change means progress in your life. It’s the only way you will leave your comfort zone and move on. Change is what humanity has always done best. It is a huge part of our life. Change documents our journey. It makes you realize that you are worthy because you are more evolved than your previous version. It is an important and undeniable part of life regardless of time. All you can do is to embrace change.
Your friends, family and main people fell in love with the old you. Your friends made friends with the old you not the new you. Change doesn’t always end like this, maybe with enough trust and love. You turn into a better person than before. The older you get the more you understand that change is life. That’s the gamble everyone takes in life, a gamble we make using ourselves to be a better person, to end up successful in life, to have the life that we have envisioned to be as a kid or rich or just perfect to according to our standards, to have dreams, hopes, happiness or love but more importantly, we will change for yourselves or for the people you love but ultimately everything will change with time.

Cultivating Self-Love

 

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do. Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.

The process of loving yourself can be extremely difficult. Especially if you don’t know what steps to take. So, it is quintessential to discern what self love constitutes and what it doesn’t.

Self-love is having time for your own beautiful ideas, memories and dreams. It is honouring yourself enough to believe in those passions and see that you need them, that you need to pursue them to be the person you were born to develop into. Self love is allowing yourself to mature and change, to grow into new perspectives and be comfortable enough in your own skin to allow your creativity to have the chaos it needs to be strong and the focus it needs to move in a positive direction. It is a state of being that respects these rights in others, that takes to heart that only they can see their path as only we can see ours, and that this sort of respect is a fundamental key to being human and living together. That this is part of liberty, that order comes from divine chaos, and all that requires self respect. Thus, self-love is genuine and complete acceptance of oneself.

However, what self-love discards is the egoistical self-centred sense of being whereby you only “love” yourself when you’ve “won” versus others, or when you consider yourself “better” than others. This is unsustainable and not authentic love for self, as when you truly love and accept yourself you don’t need to compare yourself to others. True self-love is not selfish pleasure, but rather the origin of discipline and willpower.

When you are conscious of that, that’s fantastic, you have made the first step- pat yourself on the back as it takes a lot of strength to admit that to yourself. Self-love is the most efficient route to everything from true self-discipline to pursuing your dreams, living out your full potential, and living an authentic and fulfilling life. It’s not easy, I am still on this path but it’s gradual and when you see yourself progressing on it, it truly is amazing. So how do we do it?

When you make choices or decisions ask yourself- ‘What would I do if I truly loved and accepted myself?”. Even if you haven’t accepted yourself yet, it puts you in the right mind-set and your decisions will reinforce the love for self. Aim to free yourself of any attachment. You are not your things, you are not your job, you are not your partner, you are not your friends, you are not your money. You are you. We cling on to them because they help us define ourselves – all because we don’t love ourselves. Stay true to yourself and if that means some people won’t accept you because of it – that’s fine because you are accepting yourself. Doesn’t it feel amazing when you acted naturally and did what was true to you ?
Do more of things that bring you true joy and not just pleasure. For example, think about what activities make you most happy or brought you most joy when you were a kid or teenager. It could be drawing, reading a book, helping someone, playing an instrument, etc. It must be true joy and not just superficial pleasure from activities as they might not help you cultivate that real self love.

Then, try focusing more of your attention to the present. Don’t get stuck with an image of you in the past or future. You need to realise that there is only now and no other time is real. The past was gone and the future is yet to come. Now is the only real setting there is- so bring your attention to it and cherish it. Look around you, focus on what your senses are feeling and even act surprised as if you just found out you exist. I personally found meditation to be incredibly powerful in cultivating this as a daily mind-set.

Those were the five things that helped me, I hope you will find something useful in them. Remember – let your ego fall and let unconditional love rise – for yourself and for others. You cannot truly love others unless you’ve learned to love yourself first. You must put oxygen mask on yourself first before putting it on others.

Self-love is looking out for yourself, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way. Once we develop this discipline, we can use it in all sorts of life areas, like going to bed early, keeping up with physical activities, saying no to junk food, dedicating time to read and learn, and so much more. Quell the spoiled toddler, become the correct parent of your own mind. All the best with your beautiful journey !