Deal with Toxic People – 5 Smart Ways to Help you out!

A toxic person is someone who is abusive, emotionally unhealthy, and unsupportive. It is not easy to spot the toxic person. The danger lies in their subtlety – and the way they use that classic response, ‘It is not their fault, it’s mine.’ They will have you questioning your ‘oversensitivity,’ your ‘over-reactiveness,’ and your ‘tendency to misinterpret.’ If you are the one who’s always getting hurt or continuously adjusting your own acts and behavior to avoid them being ‘attacked,’ chances are that it is not really your fault – it is very much theirs. Being able to recognize their harmful behavior is taking the first step to minimizing the damage they can create in your life. You will not be able to change how they act, but you can surely change how you react to it. There are many things a toxic person does to manipulate other people to his or her advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will help you to avoid falling under the influence:

Signs Of A Toxic Person

Toxicity in a person can show up in a lot of ways. You may already have a toxic friend and not even know it yet. Here are a few signs that your friend is a toxic person –

  • They are judgmental and condescending.
  • They complain about their life endlessly.
  • They never forgive and forget.
  • They are never satisfied with how you behave with them and will always find it disrespectful.
  • They fail to contribute anything positive to any relationship.
  • They never apologize.
  • They are always distrustful of others.
  • They are unnecessarily negative towards others.
  • They are always cynical and bring you down.
  • They make you feel drained emotionally.
  • You are always walking on eggshells around them because you are afraid to say the wrong things.
  • They make you feel smaller and less important… et cetera.

Smarter Ways To Get Rid Of Toxic People

  • Speak up! Some toxic people may use anger as a way of influencing you, or they may not respond to you when you’re trying to communicate, or interrupt you and suddenly start speaking negatively about something dear to you.  If ever you dare to speak up and respond adversely to their moody behavior, they may be surprised, or even outraged, that you’ve trespassed onto their behavioral territory. Stand up for yourself. Some people can do anything for their personal gain at the expense of others – take your money and property, pass guilt, cut in line, bully and belittle others, etc. Do not accept this kind of behavior. These people know what they are doing is wrong. They will back down considerably quickly when confronted. In most social settings, people tend to be quiet until one person speaks up. So, speak up!
  • Don’t Take The Toxic Behavior Personally It is them, not you. You need to know this. Toxic people will always try to imply that it is you who has done something wrong. And because the “guilt” button is installed into most of our brains, even the implication that we are the one who has done something wrong can unsettle our resolve and hurt our confidence. Do NOT let this happen. Remember that there is an exhilarating sense of freedom that comes to you when you decide to take nothing personally. Most people who are toxic behave negatively towards not only you but with everyone they interact with. Even when you feel that the situation has gotten personal – even if you feel insulted directly – it has got nothing to do with you. Their opinions are based completely on their self-reflection.
  • Stop Accepting Their Toxic Behavior – Toxic people often use their moody and loud behavior to get preferential treatment. You may find it easier to quiet them down by giving in to their demands than listen to their nagging. Don’t be fooled into doing this. Short-term comfort will equal long-term headache for you in a situation like this. Toxic people won’t change if they get rewarded for not changing. Don’t be influenced or affected by their behavior. Stop making special pardons for their continued misbehavior or tiptoeing around them. Constant negativity and drama are never worth putting up with.
  • Move On Without Them – If you know a friend who always destructively dictates the emotional atmosphere, be sure of this – they are toxic. If you are suffering because of a person’s attitude, and your patience, advice, compassion, and attentiveness do not seem to help them, and they don’t seem to care a bit, ask yourself, “Do I really need this human in my life?” When you remove toxic people from your life, it becomes way easier to breathe.
  • Stop pretending their toxic behavior is OK. – If you’re not careful, toxic people can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric.  Don’t be fooled.  Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this.  Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing.  Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior.  Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence. Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.  If someone over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a regular basis, it’s time to…

Toxic Relationships

Human beings like to be emotionally and physically close to each other. As said, “Sharing is caring” life seems better shared. Relationships like most of the things require continuous efforts, even the best of them. After all, nobody is perfect, not your close friends, not your significant other and not even your parents and they also do not see you as perfect. We have to learn to accommodate to the circumstances and adapt to their faults, moods as they do for us. Since we aren’t clones rather individuals, therefore, difficulties are faced in maintaining relationships due to disagreements. Some individuals have to face more difficulties while others do not. But since we value relationships we are determined to uphold it whatever it takes. But some relationships turn toxic, which is characterized by toxic partners who emotionally and not infrequently physically be damaging to their partner. A toxic relationship has the potential, if not corrected to be extremely harmful to the well-being of the individuals. As a healthy relationship contributes to self-esteem and emotional energy a toxic one damages self-esteem and drains the energy. But this doesn’t mean that every toxic relationship is hopeless, they just require substantial and convoluted work in order to be converted into something healthy. A healthy relationship involves mutual caring, respect, compassion, a shared desire for each other’s happiness. In a healthy relationship, one doesn’t fear to be who he/she is, a place to be comfortable and secure, a sanctity. On the other hand, a toxic relationship is demanding, craves insecurity, dominance. One risks losing the very essence of oneself by being in such a relationship. It takes two people for a relationship, so both of them should be examined. Initially, the behavior of toxic one is being noticed but the recipient of the behavior should also be studied. It should be questioned why an adult needs to stay in a relationship that could potentially harm them physically and emotionally? Even a good relationship could have times that could be marked as toxic after all no one is perfect. The toxic partner engages in inappropriate controlling and manipulation on an almost daily basis but paradoxically for the world, they would be exemplar. This behavior is observed in the toxic individual because they want supremacy, crave control, power in his/her relationship. Some types of toxic relationships are-

  • The belitter- Such type of toxic partner would always belittle you, even in front of your friends, family, and even after you confronting him/her that such behavior induces pain in you. They would mock all of your decisions, undermining your self-esteem making you weak emotionally. They would also tell you that you’re lucky to have them in your life, you are unworthy of anything good and should adore whatever you’ve got.
  • The splenetic- Such partners are eager to lose temper in order to feel the power. The recipient ultimately gives up arguing and bowing down to the needs of the partner. You would feel like walking on an eggshell if you have one of such partners. Your partner would blame such behavior on you. The constant vigilance and inability to find out the trigger drains the energy in you, wearing you mentally and emotionally.
  • The degrader- Such partners would induce guilt in you. They can make you feel guilty whenever they feel like or whenever you don’t live up to their expectations. But whenever you do something they like they temporarily remove the guilt which is addictive as a guilt-ridden person only wants the guilt to be removed. Unfortunately, such behavior is used by grownups to control their adult children.
  • The overreactor- It is said that pain reduces when shared but it is not so in case of having a partner who is overreactor. Whenever you try to reach your partner to tell them about your insecurities, problems, they would bring their own problem, and you end up consoling them instead of being consoled. Such behavior adversely impacts your mental well-being because you never get consoled.
  • The maverick- “Noone’s gonna control me” is their sole moto. They are spontaneous and never keep their promise. You can’t even be sure whether they are evasive or committed. This makes the recipient anxious which deteriorates their mental and emotional health.

Since no one is perfect therefore now could see such behavior at some point in the relationship, but this doesn’t mean that the toxicity has crept in. Some things need to work put to keep such behaviors at bay.