Tag: listening

Self care is not selfish thing

Often times, when we do something for ourselves, it is considered selfish. Growing up it is common to be taught to take care of other people and put others first. However, when it comes to our mental and emotional health, these types of actions of neglecting yourself to put others first can have huge consequences.

Self-care can be confusing and it can make you feel like you are putting too much attention on yourself. But remember, self-care never has and never will be selfish, especially when it comes to mental health.

In order to take care of other people, you must take care of yourself first. 

Why Self-Care is Important

Self-Care is one of the most important things that a person can do for themselves. It is not only vital for your physical health, but also your emotional and mental health as well.

There are many misconceptions around self-care and what exactly it entails. However, self-care is really not that complicated. At the most basic level,

self-care is just doing good things for yourself. This could be anything from working out, to taking an hour every night to journal, anything that makes you feel good.

Self-care requires you to know and understand yourself. You are forced to listen to your body and mind, understand what resources are running low and what you have to do to replenish them. 

There are many benefits that come with performing self-care. Some of them include increased productivity, improved resistance to illnesses & better physical health are just a few. These benefits are just the beginning.  Some of the other, more personal benefits are, enhanced self-esteem, increased self-knowledge, and most importantly, you have more to give to other people.

When you are mindful about reguarily carving out time for yourself and making sure that your physical, emotional, and mental needs are being met, you will feel better in all aspects of your life.

This makes it easier for you to work with and help others in their time of need. Just like when you are on an airplane, you have to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. 

Stigma Around Self-Care

Self-care can be hard, not only because of the stigma that surrounds it, but because it can be extremely difficult to admit that you need help or to take care of yourself when you are struggling with your own mental health.

Growing up, it is extremely common to hear that you should put others before yourself. Kids are taught that being too vain or thinking about yourself is selfish. When you take time to take care of yourself, friends and family may start to get frustrated or say that you need to spend more time thinking about others and spending time with them.

Read also: We need support, not stigma. How do we end the stigma around mental illness and start talking about it?

However, the worst stigma, is self-stigma. The voice in your head that tells you to stop focusing on yourself, saying that you don’t deserve the time or attention that you are giving yourself.

You start to think about all of the things that you are neglecting and the people who deserve your attention more. However, this self-stigma, and any outside stigma, is far from true.

By taking care of yourself you are making sure that you will be able to help and encourage others.  

How you can Take Care of Yourself 

Self-care can be difficult because of the stigma that comes with it. However, understanding how, and being able to take care of yourself is one of the strongest things that you can do.

It is also important to distinguish between the things that actually make you feel good and things that you think make you feel good, but often have the reverse effect, like drugs & alcohol, over-eating, and taking risks. 

There are many different types of self-care; the most well-known is physical self-care. When people say that they are trying to take care of themselves this is often what they mean.

Physical self-care can be helpful not only for your physical health but also to help you let off steam. This doesn’t have to be going to the gym, it can also mean dancing around the house to your favorite song, doing yoga, or going outside and going for a walk. This could also be taking a nap when you need some extra rest or giving yourself a break when you are down or unwell.

However, while physical health is important and this type of self-care can make a huge difference, it can also be harmful to your mental health if you focus on your physical self too much and too often. Working out and getting the ‘perfect’ body isn’t what self-care is all about.

It is vital to remember the other parts of yourself that need to be taken care of, make sure that you aren’t focusing on the outer-self to avoid taking care of your inner-self. 

Sensory self-care helps to calm the mind. This will help you to live in the moment, focus better, and let go of the past and forget your anxieties.

This type of self-care is all about sight, smell, touch, and sound. This could be considered sitting outside at the beach, enjoying the feeling of the water on your skin from a shower or a bath, or listening to calming music. Anything that helps you feel calm and relaxed. 

The Skill of Listening Well

From our childhood, we are taught to conduct ourselves in a manner that is pleasing to the society in which we live. We are told to respect others, be helpful, maintain decorum and be kind. One of the skills that is most needed for such thoughtful engagement is the skill of listening. And this does not mean just listening as routine but listening well, actively. In a world which has seen a sonic explosion in the past couple of decades, and with opinions and voices on everything from what to eat to what to stand for, we find ourselves surrounded by a plethora of voices. This often makes us unable to distinguish between the necessary and the unnecessary voices, and can even make us complacent when we shouldn’t be, in the long run. The skill of listening is probably one of the most important skills that we need to have in this time, for the benefit of the community that surrounds us and for ourselves.

We are continuously processing the sounds that we are hearing all the time when we are awake. We assign meaning to them as well. We listen in classrooms, during discussions, on the metro, and in innumerable other settings. Our academic and career performances can be greatly influenced by how good we are at listening to what is being said and how efficient we are at gleaning the important points from it. It is an essential quality especially when we engage with social issues or mental health issues, or when we are trying to help someone with a problem they are facing. We need to also keep in mind that listening should not be equated with hearing since hearing can happen passively as well, even when you do not put in any effort.

Listening well is a skill developed over time. Here are some pointers to being a better listener:

  1. Exercise self-control: This is one of the most crucial aspects of listening well. Exercising self-control might look like not interrupting when a person is speaking, waiting till the end to ask questions, putting away presumptions and prejudices, and waiting till you have all the information before you make a judgment. Listen to understand and not just to respond.
  2. Be fully attentive: Let the person speaking know that they are your focus and that you are listening fully. Keep distractions like your phone, away. Your posture also matters; nod, use facial expressions and be encouraging.
  3. Respond well: Ask if you have understood them well by paraphrasing, ask thoughtful and intelligent questions, and clarify doubts.
  4. Be honest: Treat the speaker with dignity and give honest feedback. Point out things they might have to reconsider and give good reasons for your responses.

Conversations that include such attentiveness and engagement will be more meaningful and impactful. It will also lead to better understanding, better relationships, and more informed perspectives. Being an active listener will also make you more empathetic and sensitive to the experiences of others, and even lets you pick up on the things that they are not saying. It increases the quality of the exchange and lessens the chances of being misunderstood. Listening well can be the single antidote to many of the problems that we face in personal verbal communications right now.