Deep Down Inside….

Passing by an empty lane,
I got reminded of the emptiness I have in my brain.
It will take some time to decide
that what’s killing me from inside, despite having many people by my side.

I don’t know what’s missing that makes me feel this way,
But there’s a hope that I will find a solution to the void someday.
Till then I need to move on, keeping a smile outside and void inside, just like every other day.
But one day I will comprehend it,
Till then I will pretend a bit,
Just like most of them out there, counterfeiting their smiles right there. Yes, there is a void that needs to be filled, but till then everything will remain unfulfilled.

~ Isha Chawla

उम्मीद

क्यों इतनी खामोश सी पढ़ गई है तू? क्यूं अंदर ही अंदर खुद से लड़ रही है तू? वक्त ही तो है गुजर जाएगा, सूरज फिर से एक नया आएगा। खुद पर यकीन रख कर आगे बढ़ती जा तू, कभी ना कभी तो रास्ता मिल ही जाएगा।

~ Isha Chawla 🥀

Pause and Feel!

Are you feeling sad? Don’t worry, everyone feels the same way. So stop whimpering and move ahead.
Why are you so excited? Don’t get so excited otherwise, something wrong will happen.
Blah blah blah……..
Ok! So this may sound practically correct. But in my opinion, it’s not. Just cry as much as you want to. Feel that sadness, never let that sadness kill you from inside. I know that crying has never been acknowledged. We have been programmed to think like that since childhood. It’s not just sadness, pain that you should feel, but also happiness, excitement, and every other kind of feeling. I often hear these statements, don’t be overexcited, don’t cry so much, don’t be so emotional, etc. I still remember how I used to curb my feelings and many of you will be doing the same.

But yes there will be some people now who will argue. They will say that if you don’t control your feelings, your feelings are going to control you. All I want to say is feel that feeling till it dissipates. Allow yourself to feel whatever you want to irrespective of what others will think of you. You accomplished something, maybe a small achievement according to this pseudo world, but it may be great attainment according to you. So, if you are happy or excited about it just feel that never curb it thinking about what will people think of you. I know it’s difficult to do this for most of us because we have been programmed to this but just try it once. Forget this world and feel. Just feel.

WHY DO YOU IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS?

  1. We are never taught to feel. Now, some will argue and ask that is this a skill that has to be taught. Yes, it is a skill that has to be taught because we have been always taught to ignore our feelings. We try to hide our feelings as much as possible.
  2. You are afraid
    Think deeply and ask why I hide my feelings. The answer you might get is that you find it embarrassing to express your feelings. You hide them thinking about what will others think of you if you express your feelings openly.
  3. People don’t care
    Ok, so everyone is so busy in their lives that most of them don’t care about others’ feelings. Either most of you think that people care a lot or they don’t care.

WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR FEELINGS THEN

  • YOU UNDERSTAND YOURSELF BETTER. You get to know yourself better. When you embrace your feelings you get connected with your inner self. You will come to know what thing is disturbing and what gives you happiness.
  • You will feel relaxed
    Yes, when we express any kind of emotion, we feel relaxed after that. Our mind feels calm.
  • You will care less about this world
    When you truly feel your feelings, you will feel less burden. I know it’s easy to say this but this is the reality, and if I tell you from my experience, yes, I am a person who cares what will others think of me, but the thing that I comprehended lately is when we don’t care that others will judge us, people don’t judge us, they are not so free, when you carry yourself, (or the insecurities which you think that are your insecurities but in reality they are aren’t, these are just illusions that you’ve created in your mind) with confidence, people don’t judge you, at least you care a lot less then.
  • We must remember that we are born as individuals and die also individually. We are the owners, board of directors, and employees of our feelings. This company named “ FEELINGS” belongs to us, no one has the right to shut it down. Any kind of feeling is a part of the human experience. Just welcome your feelings. Feel your feelings, express them, you can write a journal, talk to a person whom you think will never break your trust, let that frustration, anger, happiness come out. Just remember that people are always going to judge. No, every time we can’t think like that, as when someone says something to us, we will think about it, so yes think about it but don’t let that disturb your inner peace. Remember: Your feelings are the assets that have been gifted to you, so make proper use of them, and acknowledge them. [P.S: Just do whatever you want to. But please do it. You will feel happier. Your inner voice will thank you for listening to it. ( If I tell you about myself when I started blogging, initially I was so afraid that what people are going to think about me, and even I thought not to share it on social media thinking about the people, but honestly, I started it for the sake of my mental health, I feel peace, I don’t even know the reason why do I feel so calm after blogging.) Ok, when you cry out with all your heart, laugh as much as your heart desires, how do you feel? Probably calm, relaxed and light.]

LET’S DEAL WITH IT….

So what kind of relationship do you have with yourself? How do you treat yourself? Society has always given importance to relationships, but we are never enlightened about the relationship that we must have with ourselves.
Hey, you are a loser!
No, you can’t do it!
You are dreadful!
Visualize someone saying this to you. How will you feel? Hostile! And when you say them to yourself then…?
Yes, you can have a toxic relationship with yourself.

Signs of a toxic relationship:-
1. YOU UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF A LOT!
I know many incidents might have happened in your life that pushed you back to underestimate your worth.
2. YOU DON’T ENJOY IT!
When it’s time to have fun, then thoughts of your failure trigger you.
3. BRUTAL TO YOURSELF!
Ok, so some of the past happenings where you faced criticzm can turn you to a cruel person towards yourself.
If a person was sexually abused in his/her childhood and only that person knows about it, he/she has never communicated about that with anyone then imagine what he/she may be going through? That experience can turn him/her into a cruel person.
But the truth is that no one will understand the reason for that kind of behaviour. So, there may be many occurrences that happen in your life that you don’t disclose to others, these turn you to behave in a certain way. I believe that an individual’s behaviour is framed by the kind of incidents that happen in his\her life but no one will judge you on that basis.

What to do then?
JUST EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
Never suppress your feelings. Share your feelings with someone whom you think will understand you. But most of us don’t feel comfortable articulating our feelings. So just write down whatever you are feeling. Just write down those failures, those past experiences. Start writing journal. Trust me, you will start feeling better.
LIST ALL YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Next, you can do is list down all the achievements. Ok, so now most of you may think, what achievements are you talking about? We haven’t achieved anything great. Even making your bed, getting a good score, cooking a meal for yourself, these all are small achievements and when you start counting them, you will start feeling good about yourself.

There may be situations when you are around toxic people who are turning you toxic as well, then just remember that no one is going to come to take you out from that situation.
Believe it or not, it’s a fact that no one is going to believe you till you achieve something, for achieving something in life you have to believe in yourself. No matter how much your inner self reminds you of your past experiences, your failures, embarrassments, you have to push yourself away from all these, just work on yourself, JUST START, eventually, you will develop that confidence that will make you believe in yourself. Only you can take care of your mental health, don’t destroy it because of negative self-talk. Pretend to be the happiest in your worst phase of life till now, it may sound weird but I have tried this and it worked out very well for me. Initially, you will find it difficult and when you will start pretending then eventually you will be really happy. When life gives you lemons, why only make lemonade, make whatever you think will be the best for you! 🙂

WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET?

What happened? Why are you so quiet? Do you have any problem? Why are you always so serious? Why are you antisocial? Don’t you know how to have fun? These are some of the common questions asked from introverts. If you are an introvert these questions make you feel horrendous. Introverts are often misunderstood as depressed, baffled, devastated.

Common Misconceptions

There are many myths framed by people about introverts. If you are an introvert, you might have heard of the following misconceptions

 POOR PUBLIC SPEAKERS
People often think that you lack confidence and you don’t like to socialize so you can’t be a good public speaker.
✔This is just a myth, it may not apply to every introvert. If a person has the particular traits required to be a public speaker then personality type hardly plays any role in this.
 INTROVERTS DON’T HAVE ANY FUN
It is believed that introverts don’t have any fun, they don’t like to enjoy. They don’t like to go out.
✔Everyone likes to enjoy. Everyone has different ways to have fun. Your way of enjoying yourself may be different.
 YOU ARE EITHER OBLIVIOUS OR DOPE
People assume that introverts are fools, they think that most of the time you are lost in your world, you are not aware of anything, you are not ready to face the world.
✔This can’t be applied to all, you may be cognizant and you are a keen observer, you observe everything but just keep it yourself rather than conversing it with other people.
 YOU ARE SHY
This is the most common misconception about introverts.
✔Being shy and introverted is different
An introvert may not necessarily be shy. An introvert interacts with others only when necessary whereas a shy person is afraid to interact with anyone but this is not the case with introverts.

 YOU ARE DEPRESSED
People often think that you are depressed just because you don’t speak much. ✔ You spend most of the time with yourself so you are often misunderstood.
A person is much more than being an introvert, extrovert, ambivert. A person is defined by the qualities not by these personality types, but people just try to underestimate you if you don’t speak much, if you speak more then also people criticize you. Some people try to change themselves just by getting triggered by the particular questions or statements of people. My motive is not to depict any personality as inferior or superior, it’s just that if you are an introvert then many people want you to change your personality.

Every personality type has some weaknesses and strengths, even if you are an extrovert then also people have problems with you and you are perceived as a wild, loud, overweening person. Now how to answer those repulsive questions, you can just ignore them or just become blunt and reply whatever you want to or just give a cunning smile to that person. These may sound weird but most of the time they do work.
The biggest mistake an introvert can make is trying to become an extrovert and vice versa. Introversion is not any fault which needs to be fixed. Just remember no one will ever know you entirely, people only know some aspects of your life and they judge you on that basis and they will keep on judging, so never doubt your capabilities or try to change your personality under the influence of these people.

MAIN APNI FAVOURITE HOON!

You come alone in this world and go alone from this world. People often hear this, but how many give priority to themselves? How many people practice self-love? With the increasing social media trends where pseudo impeccability is depicted, self-love has become the rarest form of love. I am no one to give any kind of sermon, I am also a human being and I know how difficult it is to practice self-love in reality, but it is really important.

Why Self love is Difficult?

CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
Childhood is the most essential stage of life. Some have a very mesmerizing childhood but some have to face body shaming, racism, abuse, violence etc. and when you become an adult you can imagine past reflections of them and these keep on haunting you again and again.
EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
Many times you say things that sound dumb. When you realize what dumb thing you said, you start underestimating yourself. This is the step towards self-loathing.
REGRETTING
Many chances come and go, but when you miss a golden opportunity, then you keep on regretting that. You doubt your capabilities.
 YOU HAVEN’T ACHIEVED ANYTHING GREAT TILL NOW
Whatever area you entered, you haven’t achieved anything except failures which resulted in self-hatred.

How to Practice Self Love?

☆If you don’t love yourself because of those embarrassing moments which happened in front of people then you have a wrong perception. They might have forgotten that and you are still stumbling upon that. JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE CARES. ☆If you lost that golden chance, it’s okay. Do remember that if you lost it, something big might surely be on its way.
☆If you have faced some childhood traumas, I know that none of us can forget them and this is the reality, but you can work on yourself and whenever they will haunt you will not self loathe. Start doing things which you like, if you don’t have any hobby start doing different things and you will surely end up having one. Start exercising not because of that body shaming, exercise will surely boost up your confidence.
☆Don’t forget if you haven’t achieved anything till now that does not mean that you will not do anything in life. This may be a misconception on your side, you may have achieved much more than you think, even the little things matter in life.
Hardly any one of us can become “GEET” from “JAB WE MET ” but just stop judging yourself, this society is already enough to judge you. It is easier to say than to implement but always remember that you are worth more than you think. Just introspect yourself, talk to yourself and ALL THINGS WILL FALL IN RIGHT PLACE.