The irrational things about trust

The obvious and rational equation is that being trustworthy plus being transparent will lead you to be trusted. Verification of trustworthiness should lead to trust.

This makes sense. Being trustworthy (acting in a way that’s worthy of trust) plus being transparent so that people can see your trustworthiness—this should be sufficient.

How then, do we explain that brands like Coke and Google are trusted? The recipe is secret, the algorithm is secret, and competitors like DuckDuckGo certainly act in a more trustworthy way.

In fact, trust often comes from something very different. It’s mostly about symbols, expectations and mystery.

Consider the relationship you might enter into if you need surgery. You trust this woman to cut you open, you’re putting your life in her hands… without the transparency of seeing all of her surgical statistics, interviewing all previous patients, evaluating her board scores.

Instead, we leap into surgery on the basis of the recommendation from one doctor, on how the office feels, on a few minutes of bedside manner. We walk away from surgery because of a surly receptionist, or a cold demeanor. 

The same is true for just about all the food we eat. Not only don’t we visit the slaughterhouse or the restaurant kitchen, we make an effort to avoid imagining that they even exist.

In most commercial and organizational engagements, trust is something we want and something we seek out, but we use the most basic semiotics and personal interactions to choose where to place our trust. And once the trust is broken, there’s almost no amount of transparency that will help us change our mind.

This is trust from ten thousand years ago, a hangover from a far less complex age when statistical data hadn’t been conceived of, when unearthing history was unheard of. But that’s now hard-wired into how we judge and are judged.

Quick test: Consider how much you trust Trump, or Clinton, Cruz or Sanders, Scalia or RBG. Is that trust based on transparency? On a rational analysis of public statements and private acts? Or is it more hunch-filled than that? What are the signals and tropes you rely on? Tone of voice? Posture? Appearance? Would more transparency change your mind about someone you trust? What about someone you don’t? (Here’s a fascinating story on that topic, reconstructed and revealed).

It turns out that we grab trust when we need it, and that rebuilding trust after it’s been torn is really quite difficult. Because our expectations (which weren’t based on actual data) were shown to be false.

Real trust (even in our modern culture) doesn’t always come from divulging, from providing more transparency, but from the actions that people take (or that we think they take) before our eyes. It comes from people who show up before they have to, who help us when they think no one is watching. It comes from people and organizations that play a role that we need them to play.

Things to do when you feel low

There will be times when we feel low. It can be a bad day, a day where you got the worst marks, a day where your dear ones scolded, or in worst-case scenarios, they left you. That time we feel like that is the end of our life. Our mind will constantly tell us this we are not capable of doing anything why are you living in this world. It will reflect many thoughts like this. But, we as human beings can control our minds. It is not an easy task to do but at least trying without doing nothings will always be better. 

The first main reason for this is being so hard on ourselves. We curse ourselves when we couldn’t achieve something. We feel bad about ourselves. Remember, self-love is more important. Don’t curse yourself just because you failed in one thing. There may be many things that you are capable of doing. You just have to figure the right ones. It will come and knock one day on your door.

You have to try to move on. Many people will ask you to move on like it’s an easy task or something. But it is very hard to do so. You can do it step by step by indulging yourselves in some activities that you like. But if it remains you of your past please don’t do that. As it will worsen your situation. 

Think about people you love and your family. They are the biggest support and strength. There are people in our life who will claim to be our best friends or some other things but remember it will be temporary. You know what some people in our life will come and teach us this important thing that is “don’t be so affectionate towards a person”. In the end, all you will get is hurt. They came to your life to prove that life is temporary and you can’t believe people all the time. Try maintaining good relationships with people who genuinely like you and love spending time with you. 

This is the time you should healthy. Your body will be so weak you have to intake a good amount of food to keep your mind calm so that it will get the most needed energy to fight things. Read some inspiring quotes or an autobiography of famous persons. It will motivate you. When somebody shares the struggles they face in their life and you can relate to them then it will give a new perspective to your life. All you need is someone to tell you that you are not the only one who faces this situation, others also did.

Do what you like at that time. Eat ice cream if you like without worrying about the calories. Spend time with your pet. Take a walk in your garden or terrace. Spens some alone time for yourself and not let anyone to disturb you. Put your phone on silent mode and switch off your mobile media so that you will be away from social media and unwanted things. 

Remember that you are blessed with good health and organs. Be grateful for that. Also, help someone who is broken at that time. It will give relief to your mind and heart.