Tag: friendship

I never met MY FRIEND (but he is always there for me)

A friend is the one who knows you as 'you', understand where you have come from, accept what you have become and still gently allows you to grow.

A friend is the only person in the entire world whose company we are entitled to choose and friendship is the only bond which is not predefined or based on birth. Friendship is created with open mind and heart and with pure emotions.

But as the pandemic don’t allow physical gathering and contact between friends, so the mode of friendship have also shifted to online. Friendship on phone is a whole different thing. Now I can be friends with anyone, anywhere in this World, with whom I can connect. Friendship on internet have allowed me to find people across the world who truly understand me and can interact with. Though they are virtual I cannot see them or touch them but I can still feel the bond between us which is so adorable and can feel their love for me.

A friend who is always there with their shoulder to cry on it’s, obvious not possible as they are virtual technically ,but still feels like they are always here to support us, console us, motivate us. I haven’t seen my virtual friends for real but I’ve bond with him even my real life friends can’t match ,because my that only friend is only one call Or message away from me. We share a lot of common traits like introvert nature, sarcastic nature etc. They give me best advice and they show love and affection for me and console me in rough time. But surely The friendship where we can hangout with our friends is special but online or virtual friendship is nothing less in comparison. As now we are separated by physical forces but I am still connected with my friends and I feel like I always have their back and can share my hardship and feeling with them.

But online friendship comes with a price we have to be cautious about who we wanna be friends with if we can trust that person or not. Many people on social media run fake accounts and steal vietens personal information. We have read and witnessed so much about cyber crime. So awareness is necessary. We have to decide how much information and with whom we wanna share with.


Friendship creates so many memorable life experiences for us ofcourse offline friendship is a difficult thing. But we have to deal with every situation in the best possible way. So even if in the hard time l am still connected with the people whom I get love through. Everything more courageously and l feel like the most luckiest person on the earth.

A friend in need is friend in deed. 🙂

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Fights with your Friends

Friendship has a different meaning for everybody around the world. Over the time of your life, you made friends and they are your chosen family, you cannot just walk past them. Even if you are an Introvert (like me) you always have that one friend you run to for your problems no matter how idiotic their advice is, and if you are an extrovert you have many friends but there is one friend for you people too who you run to for your idiotic advice.

Every friendship goes through their ups and downs, and somewhere or the other I think its important that friendship goes through that. Sometimes, after a fight you realise that how much important that particular friend is to you and how you don’t want to lose them.

Friends fight; it’s inevitable. You will even find yourself arguing with your best friend more than anyone else. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not your truest BFF. Sometimes, it’s the little arguments that are over before you even know it that end up bringing you all the more close

But why fight in the first place, might you ask? If they’re your BFF, shouldn’t you always be on cloud nine having the time of your life? Sure, but a true friendship needs to learn and grow on both ends. A great friendship requires some tough love and growing pains. Like any other relationship you care about, it goes through its rough patches in order to improve.

Here are seven reasons why you fight with your bestie more than anyone else.

1. You Can Be Brutally Honest With Each Other

The truth can hurt, but sometimes you really need to hear it. Your best friend feels comfortable enough confronting you on issues that most people would just bottle up and let them fester. Your BFF can be brutally honest, but they wouldn’t tell you something just to outwardly hurt you. They know in their heart that telling you is more important than any backlash they’ll receive from dishing out the truth. It’s just like a Band-Aid; you have to quickly rip it off, and you want your bestie to do that for you.

2. You Don’t Walk Away From Each Other

You can walk away from anyone else you argue with, but you stay with your BFF and fix it. You can’t let an argument go unresolved, or it will ruin your entire day. You may take a breather to calm down, but you never leave each other angry.

3. You Only Want What’s Best For Each Other

You will do everything in your power to help your best friend get what they want, but sometimes, you know what your friend wants isn’t actually what’s best for them. For example, maybe it’s a boyfriend who is actually horrible or a job that’s totally toxic. You will be there for them when they need you, but you can’t fake the support if you don’t think it’s what’s best for them.

4. You’re So Much Alike

You and your best friend are so much alike that at times it can be scary. It’s great that you have a lot of the same interests and personality traits, but that can be hard, too. You’re so much alike, your personalities may clash at times. If you’re both headstrong, it can make fights last a little longer because no one is willing to back down. But in the end, you always end up finding a compromise.

5. You Go To Them When You’re In A Bad Mood

You go to your bestie when you’re in a bad mood and want to vent. They’re perfect for you to let out all of your tension from a hard work day or frustrating rush hour traffic. They’re your sound board, but sometimes you’re just too far into your bad mood that you can even take it out on the people just there to listen. It happens to the best of us.

6. You Spend So Much Time Together, It’s Bound To Happen

I’m not a statistics genius, but I will say it makes sense that since your BFF is the person you spend the most time with, you’re bound to get into more fights with them. Your time spent with them, over the probability of a fight to happen, translates to these chances being higher than anyone else’s. Even though you may loathe it, you can’t argue with math.

7. Your Jealousy May Get The Best Of You At Times

Jealousy is like the evil queen in any friendship fairytale. It tries separate you two, but you won’t let it win. You may get jealous because your BFF is spending time with another friend, or she is using all her spare time with a new boyfriend. The jealousy will make you fight, but you’re only fighting because you want your BFF’s time all to yourself. In the end, you’ll defeat the jealousy and live happily ever after.

Happy Friendship Day

“A friend in need is a friend indeed” – We all grew up listening to this line repetitively. From very childhood, when a baby learns about his family and relatives, the very next thing he comes to know about is Friendship. If Family is the beginning step of one’s life; Friendship is the secondary step. Friendship largely impact one’s life. Just as family teaches the moral value, Friendship teaches the social values. Friendship Day is celebrated on 30th July every year worldwide whereas, we Indians usually celebrate the Friendship Day as on 1st Sunday of the August month. Primarily, when that kid starts going to school, he meets several new children of his age and instantly develops a connection. This sacred bond is known as Friendship. When two kids are like-minded, they talk a lot and hence get really attached resulting in devotion towards each other. This connection entirely comes from the heart and not from anywhere else. Two person cannot forcefully be friends till they don’t develop the connection mutually. Friendships mostly forms between two or more peers i.e., classmates as this essence stays on for a long period of school life. Friends tend to play together indoor and outdoor sports. They discuss about various matters like news, sports, cinema etc. Friends go off to cinema halls, excursions together also visits each other’s houses. They also supports each other at difficult times. Friends can only match up with the enthusiastic nature of one another. Friends also help each other with studies and homework. Friends are punished together for any mischief caused by them. These are some innocent naughtiness which are harmless and is remembered later on as a part of nostalgia later on after school. Every person needs friends in their lives. A child can feel difficulty in conversing with their parents due to the age gap. The child henceforth shares all the complications and problems with the friends as because they won’t judge as like the parents do. The generation gap thing here is excluded. The friends are best companions at the time when a child is facing any confusion or is reluctant to take new decision for life. True friends do it out of selflessness. Here ‘True’ friends means the best ones who would motivate you to be good and stay by your side. There are many such people who will compete with you, or get jealous and will secretly bring you down. You need to be aware of them. Your friends understand you a lot better because they shares the same learnings. A good friend would never let you down and as a companion or partner in crimes, he would stay by no matter what. Friends get to know all your secrets and also makes fun of them. Friends never allows you to get depressed or hurt. you get to enjoy your life along with your friends, by going out to various places, exploring sight scenes, eating out together, having fun etc. Giving exams together is also an important part of life.

Friends can also ruin your life, as it makes or breaks a person. A good company would ensure a better living whereas a bad company would force you to have several wrong habits which would harm your body in the most negative way. This will result in failure in fact, end of carrier or life. Choosing the better company is important indeed. Many people suffers due to a mistake of choosing wrong friends for life. They can drag you into drugs or illegal crimes, if not taken care of.

As we grow up, there is no scope for re bonding with the lost friends once again without special meet ups, because during college life you focus more on studies or carrier and not having so much fun. College life is mainly meant to prepare your self for the future hence, it requires much more responsibilities and seriousness. During college we do not get enough time to watch a movie or eat out together as we used to do in school canteens. In college one mostly has a only few friends. Later, during jobs, a person has just a handful of friends and colleagues. Friendship Day shall be enjoyed in the name of old and golden friends.

International Friendship Day

“True freinds are never apart, may be in distance but never in heart.”

International Friendship Day is a day in several countries for celebrating friendship. It is celebrated on July 30 every year across the globe. The day is celebrated to mark the importance of friendships and friends in promoting peace in various cultures across the globe, to cherish friendship and value the people in our lives.

Friendship-Day-2020-Wishes-Images-in-English

The idea of World Friendship Day was first proposed by Dr. Ramon Artemio Bracho in 1958 in Paraguay. He coined this term when he was having dinner with his friends in Puerto Pinasco. The dinner hosted by Dr. Ramon Artemio Bracho gave rise to the World Friendship Crusade, which is a foundation that encourages friendships across the world irrespective of race, color, religion, and ethnicity.  In 2011, the Friendship Crusade, on April 27, 2011, the General Assembly of the United Nations declared July 30 as official International Friendship Day. It was initially promoted by the greeting cards’ industry, evidence from social networking sites shows a revival of interest in the holiday that may have grown with the spread of the Internet, particularly in India, Bangladesh, and Malaysia. Mobile phones, digital communication, and social media have contributed to popularize the custom. It is also celebrated by exchanging gifts and planning outings with friends. In India, people celebrate this day by giving colorful friendship bands and flowers to each other.

Those who promote the holiday in South Asia attribute the tradition of dedicating a day in the honor of friends to have originated in the United States in 1935 but it actually dates back to 1919. The exchange of Friendship Day gifts like flowers, cards, and wrist bands is a popular tradition on this occasion.

Friendship Day celebrations occur on different dates in different countries. The first World Friendship Day was proposed for 30 July in 1958, by the World Friendship Crusade. On 27 April 2011, the General Assembly of the United Nations declared 30 July as official International Friendship Day with the idea that friendship between peoples, countries, cultures, and individuals can inspire peace efforts and build bridges between communities. However, several countries celebrate friendship day in before and after the UN-designated date. In India, Friendship Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of every August. In Nepal, Friendship day is celebrated on 30 July each year. In Oberlin, Ohio, Friendship Day is celebrated on 9 April each year.

“Friendship is the base of every relation. It is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world.” 

According to the United Nations’ website, “Through friendship — by accumulating bonds of camaraderie and developing strong ties of trust — we can contribute to the fundamental shifts that are urgently needed to achieve lasting stability, weave a safety net that will protect us all, and generate passion for a better world where all are united for the greater good.” The UN resolution places emphasis on involving young people, as future leaders, in community activities that include different cultures and promote international understanding and respect for diversity. To mark the International Day of Friendship the UN encourages governments, international organizations, and civil society groups to hold events, activities, and initiatives that contribute to the efforts of the international community towards promoting a dialogue among civilizations, solidarity, mutual understanding, and reconciliation.

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“Freindship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.”

 

 

Friendship And Physical Distancing

Introverts or extrovert, social interaction is a need for everyone. No one is liking the fact that physical distancing isn’t taking place on their terms.

Self Isolation, physical distancing and ‘Real Friends’

To give you a breakup: Some of my friends aren’t taking self-isolation very well. Some don’t seem to be minding it at all. And then there are those who, on the surface, seem to be taking it well, but in reality are carrying the heavy load of being ‘the strong friend’.

In April, a tweet by the handle @/tiamowry got viral, it read “During this pandemic, you’ll really see who your friends are. Who’s really checking up on you? Making sure you’re okay? Remember that when all this is over?”. It was deleted after the backlash, but the sheer number of likes, retweets and all the ‘yes omg, you’re right’ comments it received made it clear that a lot of us follow the same mentality that the tweet reflected. The mentality, in plain words, is being self-absorbed. Sure, all of us want to receive love and feel loved. We want constant reassurance from our friends and family that care about us.

However, to go ahead and suggest that a friend who is not constantly checking up on you isn’t a ‘real’ friend is parochial. This mentality implies that the pandemic is only affecting you and your mental health. It fails to acknowledge that it is also affecting everyone else, which includes your ‘real’ friends.

The last thing you should do is measure the strength of your friendships based on how often a friend is checking up on you as if they don’t have other things that could be worrying them or occupying their time during a pandemic.

Personally, I’ve been checking in on my friends, talking to them as much as I can. Doing as much listening as sharing. In no way am I doing this expecting everyone else to do the same for me. While saying this, it is also important that I mention the context- I’m in an extremely privileged position than most in this whole situation. For one, I have a roof over my head, three hot meals and not any financial burden to keep me worried about. I am someone who can be described as an ‘overly productive’ person during the pandemic. While on most day I like to be buried in work, but there are also days when everything starts to take a toll on me, on those days, sometimes I’m busy pretending to be strong for people even though I can hardly seem do anything for my own mental health. The other times I prioritise myself, something I learned the hard way.

Who SHOULD YOU CHECK UP ON?

There is no fixed answer to this question. It could be people with emotional/mental disorders, your current friends, old friends, new friends, family or even distant relatives. It is okay to do this as long as it doesn’t cost you your own peace of mind. You can not help anyone if you yourself are struggling. If you are over extending yourself it is okay to not check in with people you regularly check in with. You can keep yourself first without dissolving in guilt.

UNLEARNING

Like I mentioned before, I personally don’t take offence to whether or not a friend drops me a text or randomly video calls me. The pandemic isn’t just about me nor is it just about them. It is something that we are all collectively experiencing combined with our own personal struggles.

Take a quick moment to practice a more open and accommodating mindset.

Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before Graduating School

It’s again the time to apply for colleges while you’re just out of school. This stage in life always involves uncertainty and stress, and in addition COVID-19 has made it even more challenging for students. Here are some things I wish I knew before I got out of school-

It’s okay to not have everything figured out just yet

I’m sure you have heard all types of questions about your future- ranging from which college would you like to get into to what do you want to major in, from what type of career do you want after college to what’s your plan-B. If you know the answer to such questions then, congratulations you’re the lucky one. But It’s okay if you don’t know the answers to these right now. Most people don’t have their entire life figured out at age of 17/18. You’ll get there eventually. Try exploring one question at a time instead of stressing about all of these at once. Small steps, remember?

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone

This is probably one of the biggest things I had to learn after getting out of school. It’s so important that you learn to step out of your comfort zone while you’re in school. School offers you a very sheltered environment, but college doesn’t. You’ll have to make ways to achieve things you want and even go and extra mile for them. Inculcating this habit will benefit you in the long run. You surely don’t want to miss out on opportunities in college simply because you were afraid to take a risk.

You and your friends might grow apart

I was fortunate enough to experience my school friendships grow even stronger after leaving school. But this wan’t the case with most of the friend groups in my school batch. It is something that happens when you all jet off to different cities, when you meet new people who you connect with better or when you see that people who you were close to in school aren’t making as much effort to communicate as you are, which happens a lot. It’s highly unlikely for your entire friend group to end up in the same university or college after graduation or for them to make the same efforts they were making when you all were meeting each day. Either way, don’t be discouraged if you realise you’re not as close as you were in school.

ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s your pride or your fear holding you back, try and get over it. You don’t have to force yourself to struggle when you can ask the ones you trust for help. Whether it’s related to academics or your personal struggle adjusting to a new environment, reach out for help. Looking back you will wish you had asked for help when you had the chance to. This will make your life a lot more easier.

PRIORITIzE your health, physical and mental

Learn to prioritize your health and pay attention to what your body needs from you. Pulling all nighters day after day after day will destroy you and your focus. And No, you can’t survive the whole day at college on a diet of lays and coke forever. Don’t skip your meals. Your health is very important.

You don’t have to be the same person you were in high school

College is the perfect time to reinvent yourself. It’s the perfect time to unlearn concepts and opinions that you no longer agree with. It’s the perfect time to to better yourself educating yourself with issues that are revenant around you. University offers you an environment suitable to reinvent yourself, it offers you the space to give educated opinions and to find like minded people who you willingly want to interact with online school where you had to interact with your classmates only. If you were the brainiac that always had a secret passion for art, then join your college’s art club. If in school you were into sports but always appreciated and enjoyed debating, then join the debate club while participate in the sports activities of your choice. You don’t have to stay the same and that’s the beauty of it.

Taking Care Of Your Mental Health In The Times Of COVID-19

Breathe In. Breathe Out.

Hey, It’s normal to feel stressed, nervous, anxious, drained or worried right now.

COVID-19 has most likely changed every aspect of your life- your family dynamics, your eqaution with your friends, your social life, your schooling, your career, your interests, your habits and even you. As you deal with uncertainity and all the emotions that tag along, it’s crucial that along with your physical health, you take care of your mental health as well. Here are some things that I religiously follow and have worked for me. I hope they work for you as well!

You deserve patience, so be patient with yourself

  • Allow others to help you when you’re struggling. Don’t be shy to ask for help from those you trust and the ones who care about you. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength, strength in acknowledging that you need help and that you’re willing to work towards a better self.
  • Remind yourself that “It will pass”. Like any other moment, any other journey, any other hurdle in life, this too shall pass, for better. We can’t control what’s happening around us, and with the lack of control and constant bugging of how uncertain the times are, it’s important to remind ourselves we are doing what we can and that’s enough for today.
  • Self-reflect and see what you feel is important to you right now.

Reach out

  • Call your close friends and share your feelings with each other. As simple as it sounds, it is therapeutic, and will leave you in a better state than before. This will help lift off the weight from your chest.
  • Arrange a video call with friends, seeing their faces is as close to physical proximity as you can get right now.
  • Text a friend you haven’t spoken to in a long time, rekindle with them. Maybe reminiscence the times you spent together, memorable moments that you shared, tell them something that remind you of them, go where the conversation takes you.

Take care of your body

  • Since there is very less to no physical activity. Make an active effort to do any form of exercise that you like: walking, jogging, skipping rope, dancing, Zumba, weights, yoga.
  • Get your quota of fresh air during the day. Inhale as much oxygen as you can.
  • Stick to a sleeping routine. In times that are so uncertain and unstable, having a routine can make you feel in control and calm about your surroundings. If you’re having trouble with sleeping, check my article- What should you do if you’re struggling to sleep in quarantine?
  • Practice deep breathing. Try 4-7-8 breathing if you feel anxious or stressed.

Eat your meals

  • Since most of us have erratic sleep schedules it’s no secret that we’re skipping out on meals. Try and eat three small meals each day.
  • Don’t starve yourself. It’s normal to not want to have full meals sometimes. Choose a trusted snack and rely on it whenever you feel hungry but not enough to have a meal.
  • Stay hydrated. Drink 4-6 cups of water daily to avoid dehydration. Warning signs of dehydration can include dizziness, weakness, low blood pressure, or urine that’s dark in color. (source: Harvard Medical School)

3 Things To Do When A Friend Opens Up About Their Mental Health Struggles

All of us want to be there for our friends when they need us. We want to help them and provide the support in the best way we know. Nonetheless, when a friend tells us about their current struggle with their mental health, it can be challenging to decide what to do or what to say. It is valid to be worried about not making the situation worse or upsetting them by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Here are 3 things that will help you support your friend in a way that’s healthy for the both of you.

Seamless pattern of a crowd of many different people profile heads. Vector background.

1. Listen to them

We are constantly hearing people talk which may lead us to think that listening is easy. However, the goal is to listen and not just hear, to be a good listener, you must be able to put all your thoughts and judgements to one side. Try not to interrupt them while they are taking or rush them into talking. It’s most ideal to have the conversation with them when you do not have something to do soon since this can add to the pressure which could make you want to rush the conversation and make them feel unheard or worse, abandoned. You should also try to stay calm, process the information as and when you receive it.

2. Ask them what they would like from you

Sometimes people just want to be seen, be heard, or just want to get something off their chest. Other times they simply want advice or maybe reassurance. Asking them what they would like from you will help you to support them in the better way and it will ensure they do not leave feeling unsatisfied or unheard. Try to be as honest, patient and kind as possible when responding to your them. In dealing with such situations, you can be most helpful by asking yourself these three questions: ‘What’s best for my friend?’. ‘What would I want the most from my friend if I was in this situation?’ and ‘How would I want to be treated had I been in the same situation?’

3. Check up on them

If you feel mentally stable enough and are able to, keep asking your friend how they are and how they feel, take the time out to candidly listen to what they have to say, keep repeating this cycle. Mental health problems don’t vanish after one conversation. These problems can also be incredibly isolating. Regualrly checking up on your friend is one step closer to making them feel a little less alone, visible and will also serve as a reminder that you care about them.

It is okay if you can’t always be there for the people you love and care about. We all have our own challenges and struggles. If you do not feel up to it, you should signpost them to others who they can talk to like some other close friend, a trusted family member or a mental health organisation that can professionally help.

13 THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN AT THE AGE OF 13

  1. You don’t need to be peer pressured to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.
  2. Being trendy doesn’t count for much and instead, it is  feeling confident in whatever you wore that mattered.
  3. How important it is to stand up for people you love.
  4. To do what scares you. If you think you wrote a great story, stand up and read it in class! You’ll never know unless you try it.
  5. Don’t ghost. Remember that friend you’ve drifted apart from? Don’t blow her off, instead ask her what’s going on with you two from her perspective. Confrontation is what will get you through Senior School.
  6. Saving Journals. Just look back on how you saw the world at 12, and I bet you’ll have a day full of laughter.
  7. Significant others will always come in time. Right now it might seem like everyone you know is having the time of their lives with their best friend and that your life would improve if a best friend was by your side. But take it from me- Concentrate on good friendships first, if a closer relationship comes out of it, great and even if it doesn’t, then connections that will last won’t make you regret anything.
  8. You’re going to change so much, you might as well accept it now. You might be thinking that who you are now is who you will always be. But the world is ever changing and you’re going to grow for better. So, go with it!
  9. You don’t have to always fit in. Let individuality take the wheel.
  10. Don’t tolerate white lies and don’t tell white lies. The more you get caught up in lies and made-up stories, the more difficult it will be to survive in school. 
  11. Go (slightly) nuts! This is your opportunity in life to be slightly stupid, to be the life of the party. Because it turns out being slightly nuts in board classes isn’t as socially acceptable.
  12. For the love of everything, please stop making a puff. You’ll realise this when you look back at your pictures and cry for 5 days straight. Also hair straight down or pulled back is a hundred times better.
  13. You create the definition of happiness. Not your fake friends. Not your classmates and not even the society.

Heads- I Stay, Tails- I go

Advice for making taxing decisions about friendships, and not by tossing a coin on google.

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have been in friendship limbo- a weird patch of uncertainty where we don’t know whether to stay in or leave a friendship. There are several catalysts that can lead us to limbo land, and the tricky part is that the only way to get out of it is to make an ultimate decision. Like Marilla Cuthbert choosing whether to keep Anne or not, you may feel torn about the outcomes of two completely contrasting options. Unlike Marilla’s initial quick judgement, I definitely recommend taking just enough time decide what you want to do. 

If you’re unsure about your text move, don’t stress about it. Take the time you need. Are friendship breakups terrible? yes, but so are unhealthy and toxic friendships. Whether your friendship limbo is a result of the ever changing dynamics, circumstances or conflicts, it is worth gaining some perspective on the friendship and checking in with yourself by asking questions like these: 

  1. Does this friendship bring joy to me? 
  2. Does this person make my life better by being in it? 
  3. Is this person treating me with love and respect?

For now, with these three questions in mind, let’s get going.

Should I stay if the circumstances are bad?

Sometimes, the choice to end or continue a friendship only comes down to the current circumstances. Maybe your friend is moving to a different city. Maybe you’re both in the same city but are attending different schools or colleges. Either way, most friendships begin only because the circumstances were favourable. You were both in the same class, shared the same interests, watched the same movie & shows or maybe you were neighbours since childhood. But, circumstances change, it’s life as we know it.

To help you bring clarity to the situation, you can start by referring to the questions above. If this is friendship makes you feel valued and loved, you have your answer. However, there are more things to think about as well, like how much energy and time you’re willing to spend on maintaining a long-distance friendship. Long-distance friendships are no doubt tough, but can also be insanely rewarding. 

Make an effort to call and text them at least once a week. Be understanding during the weeks where you don’t talk to each other. From time zone differences to hectic schedules, remind yourself that you won’t be able to be in contact with each other every day. This can at times seem like a lot, if you’re not cool with putting this much effort into maintaining your friendship, then that is completely alright. Similarly, if the friend hasn’t been particularly a positive person in your life, think about the new circumstances as a sign to let go of the friendship. 

We’re growing apart, but should I stay?

When you realize that things just aren’t the same. There, again, can be several catalysts behind this realization: the negative comments that they passed and later laughed them off but you can’t stop thinking about, an unsatisfying meetup or stumbling upon something they said before that now deeply hurts you. The important part here is that you can’t get this new information out of your head, you can’t undercut the blatant incompatibility and are now left to decide which move to make next. Do you give the friendship a shot and try to save it, or do you let it slip away? How do you know that this isn’t just a phase? 

Growing apart is distressing, perplexing and often destabilizing, which can often cause resentment and anger. However, feelings like these are negative, we want to avoid holding onto them and instead, advocate open and honest conversations with the friend. If, after referring to the above questions, you conclude that your friendship with your friend is worth recovering and working upon, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Growth is usually a good thing, people changing usually means they’re growing into the person they want, like or are supposed to be.
  • This could just be a phase. Often in long friendships, there are periods you don’t talk for days and days, even weeks, because your personalities were, point-blank, totally incompatible and contrasting. But only temporarily. 
  • Before you make the decision to cut off a close friend, consider openly communicating with them. Call them and say, “Hey, I feel like we’re not on the same page right now. This friendship matters a lot to me and I want to maintain it, even if that means it’s going to be different.”

When I think about changing relationships, I think about this quote that I found on tumblr- “People change and forget to tell each other.” Just like you’re not trying to hurt anyone when you change, no one else is intentionally trying to hurt you when they change. We have to let the people we love and care about do what’s best for them, and sometimes, that means letting them do their own thing while we do ours!