Tag: friends

F.R.I.E.N.D.S- A Show that makes you Love your Imperfect Life.

I am sure most of you might be aware of the famous American television sitcom named- “Friends” and for some of you( I think many of you), it might be your favorite. I, myself am a very big fan of this sitcom. I guess some of you might have this question in your mind- “Why write about a sitcom that is already well-known and loved by most?” Well, my answer would be because this show made me feel that your ordinary life is beautiful. And even if it makes me one of those cliched fans, I am fine with it.

About F.R.I.E.N.D.S

The sitcom Friends was created by David Crane and Martha Kauffman which aired on NBC for ten years from 1994 to 2004. It is a story of 6 friends starring Jennifer Aniston as ‘Rachel Green’, Courteney Cox as ‘Monica Gellar’, Lisa Kudrow as ‘Phoebe Buffay’, Matt LeBlanc as ‘Joey Tribbiani’, Matthew Perry as ‘ Chandler Bing’ and David Schwimmer as ‘Ross Gellar’ residing in the New York city. The story revolves around the lives of these 6 friends showing how they deal with their daily lives, relationship problems and career issues.

Friends was a critically acclaimed television series that went on to become one of the most successful shows of all time. The series received 62 Primetime Emmy nominations, with its eighth season winning Outstanding Comedy Series in 2002. The show was voted no. 7 on Empire magazine’s The 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time and no. 21 on TV Guide’s 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S teaches its audience to get through the difficult times

  • Rachel
    Rachel Green, a woman who belonged from a rich family, who never thought of taking a job flees on her wedding day because she was not in love with her fiancée and restarts her life on her own without taking any financial support from her father. She struggles initially, working as a waitress in a coffee shop for 2 years after which she finally quits to pursue her career in Fashion. Gradually, she ends up working for good fashion companies and establishes identity of her own.

    Another striking incident in Rachel’s life was when she got pregnant with a child on a one-night-stand with her ex-boyfriend Ross. She was obviously scared and unprepared but she learns and manages to be a good single mother.
  • Monica
    Monica with her dream of opening her own restaurant or becoming head chef of one, struggles in New York City for many years until finally she becomes one.

    She also wanted to be in a committed relationship and get married one day. In the journey of finding “the guy” for her, she gets into very unusual and unstable relationships which sometimes breaks her heart until finally she falls in love with her best-friend, Chandler with whom she gets married.

    Monica also always wanted to have children and broke-up with her ex-boyfriend, Richard, whom she loved very much because he didn’t want them. After she got married to Chandler, they tried to have kids but there were some complications so they decided to adopt.
  • Phoebe
    Phoebe, the weird but kindest one in the group had a rough life since childhood as her father abandons her family and her mother commits suicide after few years. She faces all kinds of troubles- not having a shelter, food and any guardians.

    As a grown-up she works as a masseuse, always wanting a family of her own. Finally, she marries Mike and starts her new life with him.
  • Joey
    Joey, a handsome young man who pursues a career in acting struggles to make his ends meet because of his unstable career choice and not getting a good role in a movie or a show. Nevertheless, he never gives up and finally gets a show in the end.
  • Chandler
    Chandler, the sarcastic guy of the show, had commitment issues because of his parents’ divorce when we was a child. He panics during the times when he realizes that things are getting serious with his girlfriend, Monica. But because of his true love and Monica’s support he overcomes his commitment issues and lives a happily married life with her.
  • Ross
    Ross, a paleontologist marries a woman who after seven years of marriage realizes that she is a lesbian which leads to their divorce. He marries another woman, named Emily after few years and that marriage also ends because he takes the name of his ex girlfriend, Rachel during his wedding vows. The series of divorce doesn’t end here because he gets divorced again as he gets married to Rachel in Vegas while drunk and not in his senses.

Conclusion

No matter how difficult life got for these 6 friends, they always fought, learned and moved forward. They always kept hope of better things and worked towards their flaws. They all lived ordinary lives like we all do, faced struggles like we all do but smiled through the pain. I think that is all what we should do. Whatever is the pain or struggle in our lives, with the right set of people, we can always overcome it, some people are always going to believe in you. I would like to quote some lines from the theme song of F.R.I.E.N.D.S-

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
Your love life’s DOA
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but
I’ll be there for you”

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I never met MY FRIEND (but he is always there for me)

A friend is the one who knows you as 'you', understand where you have come from, accept what you have become and still gently allows you to grow.

A friend is the only person in the entire world whose company we are entitled to choose and friendship is the only bond which is not predefined or based on birth. Friendship is created with open mind and heart and with pure emotions.

But as the pandemic don’t allow physical gathering and contact between friends, so the mode of friendship have also shifted to online. Friendship on phone is a whole different thing. Now I can be friends with anyone, anywhere in this World, with whom I can connect. Friendship on internet have allowed me to find people across the world who truly understand me and can interact with. Though they are virtual I cannot see them or touch them but I can still feel the bond between us which is so adorable and can feel their love for me.

A friend who is always there with their shoulder to cry on it’s, obvious not possible as they are virtual technically ,but still feels like they are always here to support us, console us, motivate us. I haven’t seen my virtual friends for real but I’ve bond with him even my real life friends can’t match ,because my that only friend is only one call Or message away from me. We share a lot of common traits like introvert nature, sarcastic nature etc. They give me best advice and they show love and affection for me and console me in rough time. But surely The friendship where we can hangout with our friends is special but online or virtual friendship is nothing less in comparison. As now we are separated by physical forces but I am still connected with my friends and I feel like I always have their back and can share my hardship and feeling with them.

But online friendship comes with a price we have to be cautious about who we wanna be friends with if we can trust that person or not. Many people on social media run fake accounts and steal vietens personal information. We have read and witnessed so much about cyber crime. So awareness is necessary. We have to decide how much information and with whom we wanna share with.


Friendship creates so many memorable life experiences for us ofcourse offline friendship is a difficult thing. But we have to deal with every situation in the best possible way. So even if in the hard time l am still connected with the people whom I get love through. Everything more courageously and l feel like the most luckiest person on the earth.

A friend in need is friend in deed. 🙂

F.R.I.E.N.D.S – The learning

How many of you have watched the series “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”? If you haven’t and if you are above 18, go watch it right now. I am a diehard friends fan. I can watch the series all day. I can watch from the middle, I can directly watch the last season and the 6 of them never fail to make me the happiest. I am sure there are haters and the main reason for hating the show is because of the on and off relationships or some meaningless dates. Yeah, some things don’t make sense to me too but there are so many other things that I could learn from the show.

I’ll be there for you

Each and every character in the show is well created with perfect personalities and with perfect balance. If I was asked to choose between any 2 of them it would be so difficult because everyone is balanced. The show never failed to make me cry. There are so many emotional moments that make the viewers cry. I can write whole another article to show my love towards the show but I am now here to list out things that I have learned from the show (list down reasons for you to watch the show)

It is never too late

I learned that it is never too late to get back on your feet, never too late to follow your passion.

Rachel Green

Be it Rachel Green, the spoiled little girl who was going to get married, who then realized that that is not what she wants in her life. That one thought can change everything. She started as a waitress. Later she found a job for her passion (fashion). She escalated step by step, at the end she was capable enough to get a job in Paris. The way she gets hold of her life and works towards her passion will never fail to inspire others.

Chandler Bing

On the other hand, we have Chandler Bing, the king of sarcasm. Chandler was in this job statistical analysis and data reconfiguration the whole time. When he realized that this job is not what he really likes, he quits. In an episode he says that he hates his job whereas everyone else says that they love their job. In another episode when he can’t be with his wife on Christmas, he quits the job without a second thought. He finds his passion and gets a job as a writer.

These two people showed that it is never too late to follow your passion and you can change you fate and career whenever you want if you work hard.

Never care about what others think

Phoebe Buffay

Who comes to your mind when you read this? Of course Phoebe Buffay. I absolutely adore her for her attitude towards her surroundings, her confidence, her weirdness. She simply does whatever she wants to do without even thinking about what others will think of her. But she doesn’t forget to check on her friends or take care of them because friends are very important to phoebe. She managed to keep herself happy even though she had a terrible childhood. She plays guitar for herself and only for her happiness despite the negative comments she have got. She did not have long term relationships, because she did not want to get to attached to some random dating guy. Whenever she did, she was left hurt. Except for when she found the love of her life Mike. The package of Phoebe Buffay’s personality amuses me and I can aww about it all day. I simply love her.

She has taught me that you can change your traumatic day-to-day life to a fun filled beautiful life if you have the right attitude and mindset. She doesn’t speak much about her bad experiences form childhood and that is why she has always been a mystery.

You can always be nice

Ross Geller

The nicest person in the show would be Ross Geller. He doesn’t hold grudges and he has a pure heart. There are many situations where Ross could have simply walked away but he chose to be nice. Be it the time he helped Rachel get ready even though he had a big thing going on in his life (He was going to get featured in discovery channel, poor Ross). His friend seemed very important to him. The way he supports his sister’s life decisions and takes care of her. He has always been a great buddy to Chandler and Joey. How he supports Rachel with the whole pregnancy thing. He struggles to make her stay by getting her job back at Ralph Lauren but when he realizes that moving to Paris will make Rachel happy. He genuinely accepts that.

I will not forget to mention the time when he got Phoebe her first bike. That is the nicest thing someone could do. It takes very small things to be nice to others but we fail to understand the importance of that.

Cherish the people around you

Monica Geller

This would definitely be Monica Geller. I mean, as chandler said “She is a mother without a child”. That is one of those emotional moments that made me cry. Monica has always been the hostess. Taking care of others made her happy. What more can you learn from a person. The utmost generosity is taught to us by Monica. Right from season 1 to season 10.

All 6 of them hang out in Monica’s apartment and she never really thought bad about it. She wanted them to be around her. As she did not have many friends when she was young, she loved to keep the closest people and take care of them no matter what. She let Rachel stay with her without any second thought. She let Joey take food from her fridge whenever he wants. She hosted thanksgiving dinner every single year and made everyone so happy and so full. She is definitely a mother without a child.

Bring humor out of every problem

You are right, this is Chandler Bing. He taught us that no problem is bigger than you happiness. You don’t have to feel down because of the problems. You can still make fun of them and face them with humor. Something that is very difficult to do but Chandler Bing is very smooth with that. His humor is one of the best things in the show or should I say that he is the king of sarcasm.

He too had a terrible childhood, he dealt with parent’s divorce. That is when he found sarcasm to deal with all this. He waited for the right girl and when he found Monica he grew into whole other person who is mature, responsible and who no longer has commitment issues. Seeing chandler grow is one of the best parts of the show.

Keep following your passion

Joey Tribbiani

Joey is an actor in the entire show. He doesn’t get any big breaks. He doesn’t get so many opportunities but he kept trying and staying in the same field just because he loves it. No matter what others comment about his acting skills, he kept doing it. That is the kind of confidence that we all should have.

To conclude I would say, hold on to people who care about you. Take care of them, be supportive and be nice. Being nice takes nothing but gives you happiness that anything could ever give. Chandler selflessly took care of Joey like his kid. Only real friends can do such selfless act. Personally I am not very fond of friends (I’m an introvert), but I do believe in people who genuinely cares. Even if they are not nice to you, you can still be nice. Be the bigger person. But don’t please anyone.

Education is life

Today the World is becoming a superficial place. Our time appoints the absurd, making social networks as a real-world by a considerable part of the younger generations.

It is a virtual reality, more precise than high-definition video games, more addictive and harmful to the mind and the body.

This fake reality indeed kills the neurons converting people into zombies led by a leader of unknown appearance.

Ignorance acts as the lock, and manipulation working as the key entering every mind. Then, it hacks and promotes war even over the most absurd topic that any influencer shares in a post.

The social network profile becomes an epicentre of empty universes, universes that conflict with the real-life, where, as in the war, leads to the destruction of entire generations.

Using actualized tools, but the same indoctrination mechanisms used in the world wars. Again, the end justifies it, annulling individuals’ conscience and making them members of the social mass.

Even though each social profile is seemingly unique, there is no perspective on what life is in its essence. The network is a game that only favours some private interests.

We know the truth: countries born from interests, wars arise, passions move. Interests motivate greed. Greed sooner or later destroys life. Life, which, without a doubt, is the only thing we have.

Blood wars are no longer an option in our time across the rich countries. New wars are too expensive and risky.

Wars are now abstract. Wars involve factual powers whose shadow is unknown and whose attacks are directed to control the terrestrial and the extraterrestrial.

The end of empires has never come. In our time, empires are mainly commercial, managing everything that allowed us to be free.

Now empires dictate what to be and how to be.

Indeed, commercial or blood, all war implies the destruction of every trace that makes us human.

Every war, directly and indirectly, destroys our soul and breaks the only thing we take when we leave.

War destroys what we have lived and what we will no longer discover for ceasing to be ourselves.

There are not strong leaders to help us. Corruption and secrets are always leaked by someone who is behind the scenes.

We are the unique leaders of our time; we are the bosses of our destiny.

We must not perish. Responding to Hamlet, the worthiest thing for the soul is to fight for our fortune, live our lives, and rebel against this wild sea of misery.

The only thing that saves us from interest, the only thing that separates us from greed, the only thing that allows us to see reality is education.

However, all education is written by the victors and not by the vanquished. Our salvation involves investigating, delving into every little remorse and lack of meaning of our multiple thoughts.

The only thing that educates us is ourselves.

What do I mean when I say “Education for Life?” I can present the problem and the solution. The problem is that people in traditional forms of education usually approach it from the standpoint of just preparing a person for a job. But one’s job isn’t the definition of one’s life—it’s only that which enables you to have enough money to meet your needs. Our lives encompass a much broader arena than one’s capacity to earn money. Any educational system that teaches only job skills or offers only intellectual information is neglecting the essential needs of human beings. The solution is a form of education that trains us in that which is most relevant to us—how to find lasting happiness in life.

We deeply need proper training in “how-to-live” skills such as how to find the right mate, how to raise our children, how to be a good employee, how to get along with our neighbors, and how to concentrate our minds so that we can draw success into all our endeavors. There are many such skills that are essential to prepare a child for adulthood, and in traditional education many of them are completely ignored. Education for Life is a system that prepares the child to face the challenges of living as a human being, and helps him to achieve balance and harmony in all he does. What we’re really talking about is preparing everyone, not just children, for true maturity. This is a much bigger concept than just coming of age. As defined it in the book, Education for Life, maturity is the ability to relate appropriately to other realities than one’s own. You’ll find that even people of advanced years are often childish and immature with regard to this definition, yet this ability to relate to others’ realities is what education should accomplish.

Why I Can’t Get Over F.R.I.E.N.D.S

It happens with just about everything in my life: After enough time of taking note of an equivalent song over and once again or having an equivalent thing for lunch every day of the week, eventually, I get disgusted by the repetition. Eventually, I need a break or a change of scenery. But the one thing that I never get disgusted during this life is watching Friends episodes because I could watch that show again and again. No matter what percentage times I watch that show — regardless of what percentage marathons I host — I will be able to never get disgusted watching Friends. There is no season I wouldn’t watch, no episode I wouldn’t tease. That television program is my lobster: the thing I select to like for the remainder of my life, for the remainder of eternity.

And I have some pretty good reasons for it.

1. All the characters in FRIENDS are simple, with no extra fluff, the spoiled but independent Rachel, the neat freak and formerly fat Monica, the goofy and lovable Chandler, the weird hippie Phoebe, the intellectual Ross, and the lovely, food lover Joey. You connect with them in some way or the other. All the characters are downright lovable and they grow on you.

2. The situations they went through are realistic for every twenty-something. All of the characters were struggling either with their careers or their love lives, or both simultaneously.

3. Their jokes are evergreen, I laughed once and I will laugh a 1000 times at the same joke. The humor is intelligent, the sarcasm is unbeatable. It was not like only one or two characters were entitled to a good punch line, in fact the writers made sure that every good joke and punch line was distributed equally among all the characters.

4. Some of the dialogues, phrases and scenes are undoubtedly iconic, be it the “PIVOT” scene, “WE WERE ON A BREAK”, Monica’s “I KNOW, I KNOW”, Janice’s “OH MY GOD”, Joey’s “HOW YOU DOIN” they are simply the best.

5. It makes you believe in love, no matter how much of a cynic you are. If Chandler can find a soulmate, so can you. And that falling in love with your best friend can eventually end beautifully. When you have your lobster, hold on to them.

6. But most importantly, FRIENDS continues to re-instill the faith in us that eventually, we will all have a happy ending. There is no other sitcom that can make you feel as wonderful as FRIENDS, because it’s a reflection of our lives- a story of 6 20-somethings trying to find their way in the world, just like we are, and of finally making it. Their happy ending is the best happy ending anyone could ever ask for. The show may have ended, but the legacy will always remain. And that makes every FRIENDS fan ecstatic.

Friendship And Physical Distancing

Introverts or extrovert, social interaction is a need for everyone. No one is liking the fact that physical distancing isn’t taking place on their terms.

Self Isolation, physical distancing and ‘Real Friends’

To give you a breakup: Some of my friends aren’t taking self-isolation very well. Some don’t seem to be minding it at all. And then there are those who, on the surface, seem to be taking it well, but in reality are carrying the heavy load of being ‘the strong friend’.

In April, a tweet by the handle @/tiamowry got viral, it read “During this pandemic, you’ll really see who your friends are. Who’s really checking up on you? Making sure you’re okay? Remember that when all this is over?”. It was deleted after the backlash, but the sheer number of likes, retweets and all the ‘yes omg, you’re right’ comments it received made it clear that a lot of us follow the same mentality that the tweet reflected. The mentality, in plain words, is being self-absorbed. Sure, all of us want to receive love and feel loved. We want constant reassurance from our friends and family that care about us.

However, to go ahead and suggest that a friend who is not constantly checking up on you isn’t a ‘real’ friend is parochial. This mentality implies that the pandemic is only affecting you and your mental health. It fails to acknowledge that it is also affecting everyone else, which includes your ‘real’ friends.

The last thing you should do is measure the strength of your friendships based on how often a friend is checking up on you as if they don’t have other things that could be worrying them or occupying their time during a pandemic.

Personally, I’ve been checking in on my friends, talking to them as much as I can. Doing as much listening as sharing. In no way am I doing this expecting everyone else to do the same for me. While saying this, it is also important that I mention the context- I’m in an extremely privileged position than most in this whole situation. For one, I have a roof over my head, three hot meals and not any financial burden to keep me worried about. I am someone who can be described as an ‘overly productive’ person during the pandemic. While on most day I like to be buried in work, but there are also days when everything starts to take a toll on me, on those days, sometimes I’m busy pretending to be strong for people even though I can hardly seem do anything for my own mental health. The other times I prioritise myself, something I learned the hard way.

Who SHOULD YOU CHECK UP ON?

There is no fixed answer to this question. It could be people with emotional/mental disorders, your current friends, old friends, new friends, family or even distant relatives. It is okay to do this as long as it doesn’t cost you your own peace of mind. You can not help anyone if you yourself are struggling. If you are over extending yourself it is okay to not check in with people you regularly check in with. You can keep yourself first without dissolving in guilt.

UNLEARNING

Like I mentioned before, I personally don’t take offence to whether or not a friend drops me a text or randomly video calls me. The pandemic isn’t just about me nor is it just about them. It is something that we are all collectively experiencing combined with our own personal struggles.

Take a quick moment to practice a more open and accommodating mindset.

Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before Graduating School

It’s again the time to apply for colleges while you’re just out of school. This stage in life always involves uncertainty and stress, and in addition COVID-19 has made it even more challenging for students. Here are some things I wish I knew before I got out of school-

It’s okay to not have everything figured out just yet

I’m sure you have heard all types of questions about your future- ranging from which college would you like to get into to what do you want to major in, from what type of career do you want after college to what’s your plan-B. If you know the answer to such questions then, congratulations you’re the lucky one. But It’s okay if you don’t know the answers to these right now. Most people don’t have their entire life figured out at age of 17/18. You’ll get there eventually. Try exploring one question at a time instead of stressing about all of these at once. Small steps, remember?

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone

This is probably one of the biggest things I had to learn after getting out of school. It’s so important that you learn to step out of your comfort zone while you’re in school. School offers you a very sheltered environment, but college doesn’t. You’ll have to make ways to achieve things you want and even go and extra mile for them. Inculcating this habit will benefit you in the long run. You surely don’t want to miss out on opportunities in college simply because you were afraid to take a risk.

You and your friends might grow apart

I was fortunate enough to experience my school friendships grow even stronger after leaving school. But this wan’t the case with most of the friend groups in my school batch. It is something that happens when you all jet off to different cities, when you meet new people who you connect with better or when you see that people who you were close to in school aren’t making as much effort to communicate as you are, which happens a lot. It’s highly unlikely for your entire friend group to end up in the same university or college after graduation or for them to make the same efforts they were making when you all were meeting each day. Either way, don’t be discouraged if you realise you’re not as close as you were in school.

ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s your pride or your fear holding you back, try and get over it. You don’t have to force yourself to struggle when you can ask the ones you trust for help. Whether it’s related to academics or your personal struggle adjusting to a new environment, reach out for help. Looking back you will wish you had asked for help when you had the chance to. This will make your life a lot more easier.

PRIORITIzE your health, physical and mental

Learn to prioritize your health and pay attention to what your body needs from you. Pulling all nighters day after day after day will destroy you and your focus. And No, you can’t survive the whole day at college on a diet of lays and coke forever. Don’t skip your meals. Your health is very important.

You don’t have to be the same person you were in high school

College is the perfect time to reinvent yourself. It’s the perfect time to unlearn concepts and opinions that you no longer agree with. It’s the perfect time to to better yourself educating yourself with issues that are revenant around you. University offers you an environment suitable to reinvent yourself, it offers you the space to give educated opinions and to find like minded people who you willingly want to interact with online school where you had to interact with your classmates only. If you were the brainiac that always had a secret passion for art, then join your college’s art club. If in school you were into sports but always appreciated and enjoyed debating, then join the debate club while participate in the sports activities of your choice. You don’t have to stay the same and that’s the beauty of it.

3 Things To Do When A Friend Opens Up About Their Mental Health Struggles

All of us want to be there for our friends when they need us. We want to help them and provide the support in the best way we know. Nonetheless, when a friend tells us about their current struggle with their mental health, it can be challenging to decide what to do or what to say. It is valid to be worried about not making the situation worse or upsetting them by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Here are 3 things that will help you support your friend in a way that’s healthy for the both of you.

Seamless pattern of a crowd of many different people profile heads. Vector background.

1. Listen to them

We are constantly hearing people talk which may lead us to think that listening is easy. However, the goal is to listen and not just hear, to be a good listener, you must be able to put all your thoughts and judgements to one side. Try not to interrupt them while they are taking or rush them into talking. It’s most ideal to have the conversation with them when you do not have something to do soon since this can add to the pressure which could make you want to rush the conversation and make them feel unheard or worse, abandoned. You should also try to stay calm, process the information as and when you receive it.

2. Ask them what they would like from you

Sometimes people just want to be seen, be heard, or just want to get something off their chest. Other times they simply want advice or maybe reassurance. Asking them what they would like from you will help you to support them in the better way and it will ensure they do not leave feeling unsatisfied or unheard. Try to be as honest, patient and kind as possible when responding to your them. In dealing with such situations, you can be most helpful by asking yourself these three questions: ‘What’s best for my friend?’. ‘What would I want the most from my friend if I was in this situation?’ and ‘How would I want to be treated had I been in the same situation?’

3. Check up on them

If you feel mentally stable enough and are able to, keep asking your friend how they are and how they feel, take the time out to candidly listen to what they have to say, keep repeating this cycle. Mental health problems don’t vanish after one conversation. These problems can also be incredibly isolating. Regualrly checking up on your friend is one step closer to making them feel a little less alone, visible and will also serve as a reminder that you care about them.

It is okay if you can’t always be there for the people you love and care about. We all have our own challenges and struggles. If you do not feel up to it, you should signpost them to others who they can talk to like some other close friend, a trusted family member or a mental health organisation that can professionally help.

13 THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN AT THE AGE OF 13

  1. You don’t need to be peer pressured to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.
  2. Being trendy doesn’t count for much and instead, it is  feeling confident in whatever you wore that mattered.
  3. How important it is to stand up for people you love.
  4. To do what scares you. If you think you wrote a great story, stand up and read it in class! You’ll never know unless you try it.
  5. Don’t ghost. Remember that friend you’ve drifted apart from? Don’t blow her off, instead ask her what’s going on with you two from her perspective. Confrontation is what will get you through Senior School.
  6. Saving Journals. Just look back on how you saw the world at 12, and I bet you’ll have a day full of laughter.
  7. Significant others will always come in time. Right now it might seem like everyone you know is having the time of their lives with their best friend and that your life would improve if a best friend was by your side. But take it from me- Concentrate on good friendships first, if a closer relationship comes out of it, great and even if it doesn’t, then connections that will last won’t make you regret anything.
  8. You’re going to change so much, you might as well accept it now. You might be thinking that who you are now is who you will always be. But the world is ever changing and you’re going to grow for better. So, go with it!
  9. You don’t have to always fit in. Let individuality take the wheel.
  10. Don’t tolerate white lies and don’t tell white lies. The more you get caught up in lies and made-up stories, the more difficult it will be to survive in school. 
  11. Go (slightly) nuts! This is your opportunity in life to be slightly stupid, to be the life of the party. Because it turns out being slightly nuts in board classes isn’t as socially acceptable.
  12. For the love of everything, please stop making a puff. You’ll realise this when you look back at your pictures and cry for 5 days straight. Also hair straight down or pulled back is a hundred times better.
  13. You create the definition of happiness. Not your fake friends. Not your classmates and not even the society.

Heads- I Stay, Tails- I go

Advice for making taxing decisions about friendships, and not by tossing a coin on google.

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have been in friendship limbo- a weird patch of uncertainty where we don’t know whether to stay in or leave a friendship. There are several catalysts that can lead us to limbo land, and the tricky part is that the only way to get out of it is to make an ultimate decision. Like Marilla Cuthbert choosing whether to keep Anne or not, you may feel torn about the outcomes of two completely contrasting options. Unlike Marilla’s initial quick judgement, I definitely recommend taking just enough time decide what you want to do. 

If you’re unsure about your text move, don’t stress about it. Take the time you need. Are friendship breakups terrible? yes, but so are unhealthy and toxic friendships. Whether your friendship limbo is a result of the ever changing dynamics, circumstances or conflicts, it is worth gaining some perspective on the friendship and checking in with yourself by asking questions like these: 

  1. Does this friendship bring joy to me? 
  2. Does this person make my life better by being in it? 
  3. Is this person treating me with love and respect?

For now, with these three questions in mind, let’s get going.

Should I stay if the circumstances are bad?

Sometimes, the choice to end or continue a friendship only comes down to the current circumstances. Maybe your friend is moving to a different city. Maybe you’re both in the same city but are attending different schools or colleges. Either way, most friendships begin only because the circumstances were favourable. You were both in the same class, shared the same interests, watched the same movie & shows or maybe you were neighbours since childhood. But, circumstances change, it’s life as we know it.

To help you bring clarity to the situation, you can start by referring to the questions above. If this is friendship makes you feel valued and loved, you have your answer. However, there are more things to think about as well, like how much energy and time you’re willing to spend on maintaining a long-distance friendship. Long-distance friendships are no doubt tough, but can also be insanely rewarding. 

Make an effort to call and text them at least once a week. Be understanding during the weeks where you don’t talk to each other. From time zone differences to hectic schedules, remind yourself that you won’t be able to be in contact with each other every day. This can at times seem like a lot, if you’re not cool with putting this much effort into maintaining your friendship, then that is completely alright. Similarly, if the friend hasn’t been particularly a positive person in your life, think about the new circumstances as a sign to let go of the friendship. 

We’re growing apart, but should I stay?

When you realize that things just aren’t the same. There, again, can be several catalysts behind this realization: the negative comments that they passed and later laughed them off but you can’t stop thinking about, an unsatisfying meetup or stumbling upon something they said before that now deeply hurts you. The important part here is that you can’t get this new information out of your head, you can’t undercut the blatant incompatibility and are now left to decide which move to make next. Do you give the friendship a shot and try to save it, or do you let it slip away? How do you know that this isn’t just a phase? 

Growing apart is distressing, perplexing and often destabilizing, which can often cause resentment and anger. However, feelings like these are negative, we want to avoid holding onto them and instead, advocate open and honest conversations with the friend. If, after referring to the above questions, you conclude that your friendship with your friend is worth recovering and working upon, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Growth is usually a good thing, people changing usually means they’re growing into the person they want, like or are supposed to be.
  • This could just be a phase. Often in long friendships, there are periods you don’t talk for days and days, even weeks, because your personalities were, point-blank, totally incompatible and contrasting. But only temporarily. 
  • Before you make the decision to cut off a close friend, consider openly communicating with them. Call them and say, “Hey, I feel like we’re not on the same page right now. This friendship matters a lot to me and I want to maintain it, even if that means it’s going to be different.”

When I think about changing relationships, I think about this quote that I found on tumblr- “People change and forget to tell each other.” Just like you’re not trying to hurt anyone when you change, no one else is intentionally trying to hurt you when they change. We have to let the people we love and care about do what’s best for them, and sometimes, that means letting them do their own thing while we do ours!