You are just stepping into your 20’s and want to live life on your terms. You are in that zone where you don’t want to be told about what needs to be done. As they say, your 20’s are the “defining decade”, because they define who you’ll become personally and professionally.
Here are some things that you should do in your 20’s to make the most of them.
Figure out what you want to pursue
Take a break, try out new things, do internships, learn new skills. Discover what you want from your life and ask yourself where you see yourself five years down the line. Most of the time it doesn’t matter where you think you’ll be in five years, but it’s important to think about it because doing so can give you the idea you want to pursue.
You don’t know what the real world looks like. Now you don’t have family obligations so use this time to meet different people, live with them, and understand their thoughts and culture; learn how to survive independently.
Start taking care of your body
It is much easier to build a habit of taking care of your body in your 20’s than in later years. The study showed that most people who adopted five healthy habits in their 20’s – a lean body mass index, moderate alcohol consumption, no smoking, a healthy diet, and regular physical activity – stayed healthy well into middle age.
Start letting go of your ego
We must learn to control our egos. It can cause a lot of problems for us over time and create turmoil in our relationships.
Have standards not expectations
A standard is a level of quality, something that is accepted as a norm and generally used as a basis for judgment. An expectation is a strong belief that something is going to happen in the future or a feeling that someone or something is going to achieve something. One is fact, the other fiction.
Learn to say ‘NO’
It’s hard to say no cause you don’t want to jeopardize your good relationship with the person you are saying “no” to. However, it is difficult to do so but you need to stop pleasing people and value your time and priorities.
Distance yourself from negativity
Life is too short to let people make you feel like you aren’t worthy of what you want. Don’t waste your time with people trying to feel better about themselves by tearing you down. Create space for positive people who believe in your dream, encourages your ideas, and challenge you to bring out the best in you.
Volunteer in your community
Volunteering is a way to help you find new interests and strengths that will help you with new career opportunities. It helps you to change your perspective about things in your life and makes you feel grateful for all that you have. It reminds that you are a part of something bigger than yourself.
Your Twenties aren’t about them going as you planned. But how you adapt, change, and grow when they don’t.
Life is a journey filled with lessons, hardships, heartaches, joys, celebrations and special moments that will ultimately lead us to our destination, our purpose in life. The road will not always be smooth; in fact, throughout our travels, we will encounter many challenges.
Some of these challenges will test our courage, strengths, weaknesses, and faith. Along the way, we may stumble upon obstacles that will come between the paths that we are destined to take.
In order to follow the right path, we must overcome these obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are really blessings in disguise, only we don’t realize that at the time.
Along our journey we will be confronted with many situations, some will be filled with joy, and some will be filled with heartache. How we react to what we are faced with determines what kind of outcome the rest of our journey through life will be like.
When things don’t always go our way, we have two choices in dealing with the situations.
We can focus on the fact that things didn’t go how we had hoped they would and let life pass us by, or
We can make the best out of the situation and know that these are only temporary setbacks and find the lessons that are to be learned.
Time stops for no one, and if we allow ourselves to focus on the negative we might miss out on some really amazing things that life has to offer. We can’t go back to the past, we can only take the lessons that we have learned and the experiences that we have gained from it and move on. It is because of the heartaches, as well as the hardships, that in the end help to make us a stronger person.
The people that we meet on our journey, are people that we are destined to meet. Everybody comes into our lives for some reason or another and we don’t always know their purpose until it is too late. They all play some kind of role. Some may stay for a lifetime; others may only stay for a short while.
It is often the people who stay for only a short time that end up making a lasting impression not only in our lives, but in our hearts as well. Although we may not realize it at the time, they will make a difference and change our lives in a way we never could imagine. To think that one person can have such a profound affect on your life forever is truly a blessing. It is because of these encounters that we learn some of life’s best lessons and sometimes we even learn a little bit about ourselves.
People will come and go into our lives quickly, but sometimes we are lucky to meet that one special person that will stay in our hearts forever no matter what. Even though we may not always end up being with that person and they may not always stay in our life for as long as we like, the lessons that we have learned from them and the experiences that we have gained from meeting that person, will stay with us forever.
It’s these things that will give us strength to continue on with our journey. We know that we can always look back on those times of our past and know that because of that one individual, we are who we are and we can remember the wonderful moments that we have shared with that person.
Memories are priceless treasures that we can cherish forever in our hearts. They also enables us to continue on with our journey for whatever life has in store for us. Sometimes all it takes is one special person to help us look inside ourselves and find a whole different person that we never knew existed. Our eyes are suddenly opened to a world we never knew existed- a world where time is so precious and moments never seem to last long enough.
Throughout this adventure, people will give you advice and insights on how to live your life but when it all comes down to it, you must always do what you feel is right.
Always follow your heart, and most importantly never have any regrets. Don’t hold anything back. Say what you want to say, and do what you want to do, because sometimes we don’t get a second chance to say or do what we should have the first time around.
It is often said that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. It all depends on how one defines the word “strong” It can have different meanings to different people. In this sense, “stronger” means looking back at the person you were and comparing it to the person you have become today. It also means looking deep into your soul and realizing that the person you are today couldn’t exist if it weren’t for the things that have happened in the past or for the people that you have met.
Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy.
To start with, all of us battle all through life — some more than others. Indeed, even the one individual in the world who battles the most un-actually faces huge difficulties — a piercing battle — on the grounds that they’re a human. It truly isn’t simple being us… you!
Similarly evident, most people are equipped for living in delighted harmony and a characteristic high — feeling satisfied every second. That has been known since old occasions. Understanding this in some capacity, the vast majority of us long for the existence of which we can just dream.
Things being what they are, how would you get from one finish to the next, from the pain that accompanies being a human to the pinnacle life of which individuals are skilled? To help you start that excursion, we should start with this provocative inquiry: Can life be great?
The greater part of your masterminds will quickly shake your head and say, “obviously not. Nothing is great.” Or, “What does consummate even mean? It’s anything but quantifiable.”
Some of you more emotive perusers will say, “obviously, everything is simply amazing the manner in which it is.” You know, the “it’s all acceptable” people. (Obviously, frequently that is until it’s anything but.)
To respond to this significant inquiry, here are a couple of things you should know.
In the first place, individuals will in general compare ‘wonderful’ with ‘ideal.’ I believe they’re extraordinary. ‘Ideal’ to me implies that you have some biased vision. That you are envisioning an ideal, quintessential, cliché best life or thing. Those thoughts generally get embedded into us from our youth and mainstream society, despite the fact that — might I venture to say — we think they are our own.
Second, we are all — we all — customized to look for optimal life, the best mate, youngsters, guardians, adolescence, get-away, future, work, character, outfit for the gathering… you get the thought.
Do those things exist? No, really. They’re just ideal for you. A few things may approach: “Hello, I do look great” or “Amazing, my children are marvelous.” But this normally accompanies a: “indeed, however assuming just _ were a smidgen more… .”
More often than not life, mates, youngsters, guardians, adolescence, the future… .you, don’t approach your expectations and assumptions. We could all compose a book on ran expectations and assumptions. (That occurs, coincidentally, in any event, when things go “well” apparently. Consider the miserable existences of some rich and well-known individuals.)
All in all, there is no optimal anything. Nothing actually can meet the high bar your psyche can make. Which is the reason a large number of you would answer my inquiry with: “By no means, life can’t be great.” And as it were, you’d be correct.
Notwithstanding, ‘wonderful’ can mean something different. It can mean some inborn, worked-in quality that something has on the grounds that it exists. You can see this as the least demanding when you’re genuinely infatuated.
At the point when you’re enamored with an individual, spot or thing, like a child, a darling, or a house, that assists you with coming nearest to seeing its “flawlessness.” You love “your old house” not regardless of the way that it’s anything but current or enormous, but since you consider it to be as having appeal or warmth — possibly stacked with recollections. At the point when you’re enamored, you like the way that your darling has somebody include others wouldn’t track down all that engaging. To you, it makes the person in question “charming.” The child’s crapping and peeing is cute when you’re infatuated with it (a condition normally saved for grandparents).
Things being what they are, I ask you once more, can life be perfect?
Indeed, in case you’re in love with it! That is the way to euphoric harmony and a characteristic high. To feeling satisfied every second.
Somewhere between birth and death each one of us goes on a journey called life. No one knows when the journey ends. But all that we care while we live in this world is about what? Each one holds different dreams and goals to achieve. Every person in this world is unique in some or the other way. Life is unpredictable. I don’t know my life span. But I can do something that is worth in this lifetime. What is worth? Each one will have different answers but mine is to love the people who love me. Not everybody in this world can love you, because we live in a world where betrayal is the most common suffering many undergoes. “The beauty is unless and until it is done by your so called trust worthy it’s not called as betrayal”, there are people who suffer with heart breaks more than heart attacks. Love is something that can be built but cannot be broken, and if it’s broken then there is no love. Break up can never be in love but it can be in a relationship where there is no love. Sometimes everything seems to be imperfect and it feels like “When everything is fake why the pain alone is real”, but the thing is not everything is fake but the reality is that hurts us. What made you smile was unreal and what breaks you later is the reality. When there is true love and affection one dare not hurt you, but when the love fades they don’t care about how you feel. Life is only once and LIVE just don’t exist. “One can never hate love and one can never love hate” and none can oppose this. Give love to people as much as you can. May be that can save a billion people’s lives. Earn more love than any other thing in this world because tears are the final valuable gifts that every human being takes back. To hate a person is easy and to love a person is hard ’cause in love you should have trust and love. Love the very word is just simple which fails to be defined by words. It’s a feeling that can never be felt by the ones who don’t treasure it. Love with all your heart and you’ll get back your reward for it. All that people need is love and to be loved and that is the greatest comfort one can have in times of difficulties. Love yourself and love your loved ones too to lead a happy and peaceful life.
I for one, got sceptical about the internet, when I was signing up for a newsletter for some website. The ones that end up being unread in the spam folder of the inbox.
As I was about to type in my details, an option popped up on my device, offering to type out the my details for me. The moment I clicked ‘ok’, it entered all my details, which even I, myself got wrong at times. Alarmed was not the word for it.
Being a law student, a paper in the current semester brought me up close with the nuances of cyber security and its relevance in this new age world.
Prior to that, me, being a victim of a cyber attack, never crossed my mind. It felt as the fort of the ‘big body corporates’ and hackers as we’ve seen in the movies.
The scene starting of with a shot of the outside of a high rise building and then the scene progressing into the interiors filled with people in expensive suits hustling and bustling. Then we were shown a guy Sitting in a shady corner, mostly, in a far away place, with blood shot eyes behind the specs, with the hoody on and staring onto the screen with the concentration of a heart surgeon conducting bypass surgery, not concerned about the realities of the world.
The power of what all a person can accomplish with a gadget connected to the internet is old news for us, but the intensity of the troubles are worth pondering about.
The need for educating people of all walks of life about the dangers of the internet and how to steer clear is indeed the need of the hour.
If systems of international banks can be compromised over the web, why not a person like you and me, who are unaware of the pool we’ve our legs dipped in.
Surely, it has made our lives easier, closer and more colourful, but don’t forget that there are two sides to every coin. We go about living our lives believing that the ‘common man’ will never be vulnerable to cyber attacks.
In the quest of becoming more social, we often get carried away on a few things. A couple of decades back and even now at times, the society as a whole gets sceptical of exposing sensitive datas like addresses, contact details and other stuff to a complete stranger.
But now, to fit in, we’ve all details from our DOB to mail ids and everything and anything on the web for people to access. What if it goes into the hands of the wrong kind?
Completely forgetting that everything about them is just a few taps away on some site.
Most importantly I believe conversations in the past were restricted due to the fear of getting punched in the face. But now the power of the internet has made anybody a ‘somebody’, a ‘keyboard warrior’; people, hiding away behind a screen, doing anything, feeling assured against not getting punched, at all.
Sure, we can justify all these, that we’ve progressed and become free thinking but people are still people.
We were taught not to step into the cars of a stranger but now we book and share cabs with people who we’ve never met.
Whole of my life I was asked to live by the rules and I believe that’s the best way to live. When all my peers started downloading movies and songs, from random sites, I’ve never felt the need; because I’ve always been certain that there’s nothing like a ‘free lunch’ in this world. People play it smart, by downloading pirated stuff, believing that they pulled a fast one, unaware of the threats posed by such sites.
Cyber security experts have time and again conferred that such articles are often kept out as baits for snatching the weak ones. You may never know when your luck runs out.
Everything comes with a cost.
The very websites that may host such pirated content may contain malware that might end up compromising your system.
Taking everything from basic details to bank info along with it. Enough to make you lose everything you own to your name in a matter of seconds. Losing everything you’ve had to strive for your entire life, gone, in just a matter of minutes, to download a movie or two, is something we can surely live without, right?
Most websites know us like the back of their hands with the algorithms they use. Next time when you see an ad for something you were searching for a little while back, coincidence, I think not.
Digital footprint is something that’s not talked about. It’s the track of what all we’ve done across the Internet. The track would itself suffice to tell a tale or two about us.
They say energy can’t be destroyed, same applies to data, once created it can never be destroyed. Every single time we send a doc or text to the Recycle bin and get it erased from there, we feel we’ve got it out of the system. But apparently what happens is that the data gets taken out from the view but will continue to be stored on the hard disk. The tech is so advanced that, nowadays anyone can buy a software and retrieve all kinds of data from your device.
The vastness of the internet has made us ever so negligent of what all we do. .
Every time we hear somebody being a victim of a cyber attack, we judge them, that very moment, that ‘they should’ve been more careful.’ But how safe do you think you’re? It might be somebody today, and you tomorrow. Think twice before your next type/leap.
It’s better to be safe than sorry.
As the internet gets more and more entangled with our day to day lives, going the extra mile to ensure that no data is unnecessarily shared can make all the difference in all the world.
The internet is nothing more than a large network connecting and abridging the gaps between networks. It grants us access to everything and anything.
But always remember a bridge has two ends, what may connect us to everything, connects us to them too.
In a massively cricket frenzy country like ours; we’ve never been accustomed to any stint of shortages of talented young cricketers.
In such an ardent cricket admiring nation, making a name for himself is no easy business – moreover leaving a mark is a stunt pulled off by mavericks.
Throughout the years, we’ve had many a players, but the ones who left a mark in our hearts were indeed just a handful.
Yuvraj Singh is a name people of all walks of life will always cherish. The man who rose to occasion when the nation needed him the most, he is nothing short of a cricketing genius; single handedly exploiting the opposition every time, after coming out to the crease down the order with his bat and while fielding at gully.
His hard work, determination and resilience is what made him standout in the struggles, both between the 22 yards and beyond it. He’s the sheer example of the strength of the human character, which has left people across the globe baffled and in awe time and again.
Being an Indian, cricket has always held a grave importance in my household like in most families. The earliest memories of watching cricket with the family was of the ‘07 T20 world cup.
I guess I can indubitably vouch what would have pounced to your mind. The 6 sixes! Like the millions of people across the world, I was mind blown.
For a kid like me who couldn’t even clear a six at the time in our gullies, this was baffling. I became a fan the very moment and I’m still proud to say that I’m a Yuvi fan for life!
Even though his career was disrupted by the gravest ailment known to mankind, our warrior triumphed gloriously and ever stronger, as quoted by someone: ‘a setback is the setup of a greater comeback.’
The post cancer chapter was largely set aside by him for helping people who treaded down similar paths as his, the grave cancerous path. He launched the ‘youwecan’ foundation to bring about a change and to aid the needy and the ones desperate for help.
For he knew what it was to lose everything at the peak of one’s ife and that the road which lead to gaining it all back is the greatest walk of all; irrespective of the fact whether the ones who once clapped and boasted his bravado weren’t there anymore to lend out a hand or two.
His autobiography ‘The test of my Life’ is bound to leave one gripping on to the book till the end. The book circles around the time when he went from being a world cup winning player to battling cancer and back.
His name is one which pounces one’s mind to the saying “When the going gets tough, only the tough gets going.”
Being one of the very few players in the world to bag all the prestigious trophies he has played; the performance of the champ which helped our nation hitch the world cup will never be forgotten. He’s nothing short of a warrior! A lion! Words fall short to express the man.
His life sends a strong message, that we owe it to ourselves to go get what our soul most yearns for. So it does only due justice to say that ‘when life throws you bouncers, get on the back foot and face it like Yuvi’.
This brave heart might not be the best player in the world but he’ll always be my favourite by leaps and bounds. His life is a lesson to one and many.
He’s a match winner by profession and now a heart winner by his actions.
It happens with just about everything in my life: After enough time of taking note of an equivalent song over and once again or having an equivalent thing for lunch every day of the week, eventually, I get disgusted by the repetition. Eventually, I need a break or a change of scenery. But the one thing that I never get disgusted during this life is watching Friends episodes because I could watch that show again and again. No matter what percentage times I watch that show — regardless of what percentage marathons I host — I will be able to never get disgusted watching Friends. There is no season I wouldn’t watch, no episode I wouldn’t tease. That television program is my lobster: the thing I select to like for the remainder of my life, for the remainder of eternity.
And I have some pretty good reasons for it.
1. All the characters in FRIENDS are simple, with no extra fluff, the spoiled but independent Rachel, the neat freak and formerly fat Monica, the goofy and lovable Chandler, the weird hippie Phoebe, the intellectual Ross, and the lovely, food lover Joey. You connect with them in some way or the other. All the characters are downright lovable and they grow on you.
2. The situations they went through are realistic for every twenty-something. All of the characters were struggling either with their careers or their love lives, or both simultaneously.
3. Their jokes are evergreen, I laughed once and I will laugh a 1000 times at the same joke. The humor is intelligent, the sarcasm is unbeatable. It was not like only one or two characters were entitled to a good punch line, in fact the writers made sure that every good joke and punch line was distributed equally among all the characters.
4. Some of the dialogues, phrases and scenes are undoubtedly iconic, be it the “PIVOT” scene, “WE WERE ON A BREAK”, Monica’s “I KNOW, I KNOW”, Janice’s “OH MY GOD”, Joey’s “HOW YOU DOIN” they are simply the best.
5. It makes you believe in love, no matter how much of a cynic you are. If Chandler can find a soulmate, so can you. And that falling in love with your best friend can eventually end beautifully. When you have your lobster, hold on to them.
6. But most importantly, FRIENDS continues to re-instill the faith in us that eventually, we will all have a happy ending. There is no other sitcom that can make you feel as wonderful as FRIENDS, because it’s a reflection of our lives- a story of 6 20-somethings trying to find their way in the world, just like we are, and of finally making it. Their happy ending is the best happy ending anyone could ever ask for. The show may have ended, but the legacy will always remain. And that makes every FRIENDS fan ecstatic.
I discovered “The Bold Type” after a draining day at school. I had just screwed up an exam and I was in desperate need for an escape. Now, a couple years and four seasons later, “The Bold Type” is still a source of constant comfort.
Whether it is professional or personal, there are plenty of life lessons that I picked up while watching the show.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN– Kat is one of the most outspoken characters on the web, she like the title is the embodiment of bold. Kat does not shy away from confrontation and believes in taking a firm stand. She is comfortable expressing herself, her opinions and her beliefs no matter what. Her strong stands even cost Kat her dream job , nevertheless she did not shy away from doing the right thing and curved a new path for herself to continue doing what she loves to do even when the conditions aren’t favourable enough.
FAILURE HAPPENS. THINGS DON’T WORK OUT SOMETIMES. MOVE ON– As someone who wants to prefect everything they do, this hits home. Failure is a part of life. Just because you failed at one thing doesn’t mean you’re bad at everything or that you can’t try again.
HAVING A SUPPORT GROUP IS IMPORTANT – Jane, Kat and Sutton support each other through thick and thin- Every bump in the road, every achievement, every rock bottom, every celebration. Get yourself a friends group that is there for you without any strings attached. Everything is a gazillion times better when you have a support group. Take it from me, 2020 would have been hell if it wasn’t for my girl gang.
IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE SURE ABOUT YOUR CAREER CHOICES– In the course of 4 seasons, Sutton went from a personal assistant to a fashion assistant to an aspiring designer to a stylist. She admits that she is undecided about her career choices but is willing to experiment what she desires to see what suits her best.
YOU HAVE TO START FROM SQUARE 1– Since the first episode of season 1, the girls knew where they wanted to be, personally and professionally, and they were on the way to achieve it. However in the latter seasons we discover that the they all started from the bottom: Sutton was a temp, Jane started as an intern and Kat worked for someone who was clueless about how to make hits on any social media platform. It was a great reminder that everyone has to start at the bottom.
BE INSPIRED BY STRONG WOMEN– Connecting with such strong female-empowering character leads in The Bold Type is so important for any viewer because it gives an insight into loving what you do, being more understanding, and realising that you don’t have to go through the tough times in life alone. Early on in the show, Kat starts explore her sexuality and discovers what it means to find yourself before giving it all to someone else. Jane is driven by what her heart tells her and she goes through numerous personal ups and downs and still finds a way to keep going. Having strong women around them as helped them overcome the obstacles they faced and to come to terms with what is going on in their lives.
Being bold can be terrifying but it’s great to have shows like ‘The Bold Type’ inspire us and help us put into perspective how we can be bolder and live our life on our terms.
If prosperity, enthusiasm and courage are prevailing in life, on the other side there is always a setback. There comes a time when our inner strength begins to shatter, or at times somebody else starts smashing it. Struggles and turmoils are a very vast part of our existence. This is the moment when we have to act with courage. There is always someone in our lives who often breaks our courage, makes us feel pathetic, after which we start losing our strength, even if we don’t want to.
We can infer this in two ways. First, we do nothing and sit down seizing the corner which implies that we have kneeled down and we have lost our courage. The other way is – acknowledging it as a challenge and believe that we are and we deserve better than this.
With the right attitude, think about tackling the situation. You can choose whether you want to give yourself courage or deplete it.
When any unfavourable moment arrives, we feel that there is an overcast by the dark clouds- trouble is on the way. The truth is, there is no soul which does not undergo; every person feels sorrow and happiness no matter how strong or how mindful. But the difference lies in the way of grasping it. Some of us lose courage and some face it valiantly.
Typically, we come across individuals-
-who solely utter pessimistic things to us in one whack! Like – ‘you will not do this, you will not be able to do this.’ ‘This isn’t for you.’ ‘Stop wasting time.’ Their intentions are quite clear. They have only one task – to break your morale, to thwart you, make you dodge your determination.
What should be done in such a situation?
There are two ways to circumvent, first, keep a distance from such people or confront them- it might seem absurd but whenever somebody tries to besiege you with cynical things, you simply start ‘smiling’ within yourself. That way you are strengthening yourself!
It is just because you know that you have identified such an individual – and that realization should make you laugh! You won’t lose your confidence that way. Now, carry such circumstances positively, no one will dare break your solidity.
-who aren’t concerned about you at all, or don’t have anything to do with you or your life, but they just like talking about you or make fun because they just enjoy doing it!
They have no personal enmity with you, they only ‘enjoy’ speaking low of you and like doing tittle-tattle.
Sadly, you can do nothing but ignore them. Because for them, you’re merely a source of entertainment!
If you ever run into them and get a chance to mock yourself, do it! Laugh with them and make them laugh! Take it sportingly. Chances are, it won’t happen again. Think of how many stand-up comedians make fun of themselves and make us laugh. Have we ever made fun of them? Not at all, but we end up being an admirer.
And then exceptionally, there are few people who are courteous and rational. Acknowledge them. Although they will show your shortcoming, their intention is not to scramble your courage but to make your path easier by manifesting your stumbling block. You don’t have to avoid such people, rather you have to learn.
It’s all about recognizing the difference between the perceptions of others and perspectives of own.
‘The Go-Giver’ is a self-help, story book written by Bob Burg and John David Mann and the book tries to make a reader look at both his personal and professional life from a different perspective. Almost all of us are go-getters. A go-getter is an ambitious person who would do anything to achieve his goals and become successful. You might argue that there is nothing wrong with being a go-getter but being a go-getter will only get you so far in life. All the founders of great companies have one thing in common – they gave their idea to improve lives without any anticipation of rewards or fame. You might get that job or promotion but you can’t get to that level of success.
The main characters of the story are Joe and Pindar. Joe is a go-getter employee and Pindar is someone Joe approaches in order to land a great contract. Pindar makes a deal with Joe that he will tell him his trade secret, ‘the five laws of stratospheric success’ on one condition. Joe must apply that law in his life in some way or the other, on the very same day. Joe really wanted to have Pindar in for the contract so he obliged and they started meeting for lunch everyday for five days the next week. Every lunch, Pindar would take Joe to meet people who have had stratospheric success and they would demonstrate the law through their life stories.
The following are ‘the five laws of stratospheric success’ that we can all inculcate in our lives as we walk the path towards success –
The Law of Value
The first law was explained by Ernesto who owned several restaurants, cafes and a lot of real estate. He had started off from a hot dog stall and reached where he was mainly because of his social skills and the taste of food he served. The value that he gave to his customers was much more than he asked for and the first law states, ‘your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.’
The Law of Compensation
The second law states, ‘your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them’ and it was explained by Nicole, a school teacher who had a unique and fun way of teaching her students through games and she started her own company to reach out and teach children globally through her learning software. She was passionate about teaching and started her company solely because of her passion.
Law of Influence
Sam Rosen was an awful insurance salesman before his financial services company leapt to stratospheric success and he became the state’s number one philanthropist. According to him, what led to his success was the great network of people he had. These people are like your brand ambassadors and help in increasing your goodwill. To have such a network, you must keep the people’s interest before your own. The third law states, ‘your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interest first’.
Law of Authenticity
Debra Davenport had become the most successful real estate dealer in the town but before that she was a housewife and a mother. She wasn’t always so good at selling properties but it was Pindar who showed her the right way. Pindar told Debra to add value to whatever she was selling and it took her some time to understand that she wasn’t selling properties but herself. She tried to put her social skills of being a friend to her ex husband and children and tried to connect with her clients at a very personal level and the fourth law states, ‘the most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself’.
Law of Receptivity
The fifth and last law was demonstrated by Joe himself by being receptive to whatever Pindar had to give to him, that is accepting all the five laws of stratospheric success with an open heart. The law states, ‘the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving’.
The best aspect of being human is to be able to connect with other humans. We are hardwired for it. We live in clans and families, work in unions, love as mates and thrive in camaraderies. The urge to connect is in all of us whether we concede it or not. We are witnessing more loneliness, despairs, broken relationships and disconnections. What is going on? Susceptibility is the driving force of connection. It is intrepid and tender. It is difficult to connect without it. However, we have turned it into a drawback. We have made ourselves ‘strong’. We have toughened up, hardened up and preserved ourselves from being hurt. We have safeguarded ourselves from vulnerability and refused to surrender. Here is the problem. When we close down our vulnerability we are shielded from hurt, but we are also shielded from love, intimacy and connection. They come to us through the same door. When we close it to one, we close it to all. Without vulnerability, relationships struggle. Vulnerability is, Here I am – my frayed edges, my secrets, my fears, my affection. Be careful – they’re precious. In return, it invites, I see you there. It’s okay, you’re safe. It builds trust, proximity and a sense of belonging. Relationships won’t thrive without it. Vulnerability is the openness to experiences, people and uncertainty. It’s terrifying at times, and brave enough always.
Occasionally we get hurt. Relationship pain is an unavoidable part of being human. When it happens it can steal you. But we can see this for what it is – a mismatch of people, a redirection, learning, a happening – or we can take it as a warning and protect ourselves from the possibility of being hurt again. In this case, we make the decision to not be vulnerable. We shut it down. By shutting down to the risks of being vulnerable, we also shut down to the possibilities – the possibility of joy, intimacy, closeness, gratitude and connection.
Listen to and move towards what you really want. It’s that voice that speaks from intuition, experience and things unsaid. It’s the signal, sometimes faint sometimes not, to love openly and honestly and receive it gratefully. And to walk away when it’s gone. Move towards what you want and be vulnerable to the risk – it’s the bravest thing you’ll do. When you live with heart, you’ll feel when there’s something missing, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.
What would you do if you could act without fear of shame? Would you change jobs? Follow your passion? Tell someone you love them? Tell someone you miss them? Expect more for yourself? Get rid of relationships that hurt? Fight harder for the relationship you’re in? You can’t trust that there won’t be rejection and disappointment, but you can trust that you’ll cope with it if it happens – which you will. What’s harder to live with is teetering around the edges of something that feels important, wanting more but never dropping the guard enough – being vulnerable enough – to let it in.
Question your beliefs. Sometimes we believe things for so long they just settle in and stay. Challenge whether or not they’re still working for you. What could happen if you open up, take a chance, let yourself be vulnerable? Too often behaviour is driven by the need to avoid shame – the need to avoid receiving any proof that you’re not worthy of love, connection and receiving what you’ve asked for. The more you think you’re not worthy, the more you’ll act as though it’s true and the more you disconnect. What if you believed you were worth the connection? The risk of not being received is always there, but this is no reflection of any unworthiness in you.
As explained by Brene Brown, people with a strong sense of love and belonging believe that vulnerability is a necessity. They believe that within their vulnerabilities are the things that make them beautiful and they’re right. Vulnerability is the key to correlate because it is the courage to be open to another human. It’s saying the words that are clutching within. It’s opening yourself up to somebody getting closer. It’s letting them know. It’s giving without expectation or agenda and receiving with an open heart.
Increasingly we are living in a fixit world. We have little tolerance for uncertainty or discomfort and tend to move quickly toward resolution. We fix everything – problems, health, feelings, people. Sometimes though, uncertainty or discomfort is exactly where we need to be. It’s here that we often find clarity and insight and a readiness to move forward or pull back. Don’t be too quick to move out of uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes they’re the richest source of growth and information about what’s right.
Vulnerability does not mean oversharing and offering every detail of your life up for consumption by anyone. It is about intention. There are those you hold close or want to, who are worth taking a risk for. You open up, you let them know, you offer some of yourself and hope it will be received. Then there are those who you know, but who may not have earned your vulnerability.
Your vulnerability still has to be earned by others to some extent, but you have to be ready to see when someone deserves it from you. Offering every detail of your life to the person behind you, can walk dangerously close to a lack of boundaries and can leave you overexposed.
Somewhere along the way, the need to protect ourselves from being vulnerable has trumped the need to connect. Few things hurt as deeply and completely as the heartache that comes from relationships. But heartache and uncertainty is part of being human and its avoidance is getting in our way.
In response to this, we have stopped allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. We have turned vulnerability into weakness and guardedness into a strength.
Of course, there are times to be guarded, but there are also times to be vulnerable. We are protected, but we are disconnected.
Life happens – really happens – in the midst of our vulnerability. It’s here, in strength and with the greatest of courage, that we ask for help, tell someone we miss them, ask where we stand, feel. When we shut down our vulnerability, we shut down the possibility.
There are no guarantees. There never have been. But what is certain is that we deserve more than to have our vulnerability – the greatest vehicle to connection – shut down by fear. We cannot guarantee the outcome, but we can have faith in our ability to cope with it. Living and loving with a vulnerable, open heart will bring its own rewards. There is no daring more honest and more courageous than that which comes with respecting our vulnerability, embracing it and acting from it.